Shadows
by Otaku Tess
Summary: This here is Shadow Moses and the Events leading up to it through Otacon's POV. Very angsty and filled with flashbacks. I can't believe I am updating this. Chances are none of you know me. But I'm a regular from about 2 years ago. I'm OG!
1. hitoribocchi

**Disclaimer - **_Tessa doesn't own Metal Gear Solid... But when Tessa becomes a big director she's gonna blow a billion dollars and making it a big huge movie-after-a-video-game, like Tomb Raider, and Mario Brothers, and it will totally blow at the box office. MUHAHAHAHAH! *ahem* Seriously, though. Snake, Otacon, Emma, et al. are © Konami and Hideo Kojima. But Axe Nightingale belongs to me, that's right. Axe is © Tessa Cox. So there.****_  


  
  
  
"Shadows"  
  
_By: Otaku Tess  
  
  
kage  
  
_Never did a name suit a place like "Shadow Moses" does this forsaken little island...   
_Shadows..._  
The whole place is shadows. Here you are lead through the shadows of you own memories, your own past ... and your own future.   
No one on this island is safe from the shadows. No one that comes here will leave the same way that they entered it. Even those who die here leave this world changed... More often for the better... But the journey is perilous, and those who survive it are blessed...  
Like Moses led the Jews to salvation in biblical times...  
Shadow Moses leads its victims through the hell of their own pasts and presences to salvation... To death ... or to a new life..._  
  
  
  
****_CHAPTER ONE  
hitoribocchi  
  


  
"Hey, Myra, want a soda?" I heard Dr. Elise ask, obviously bored.  
  
"Yeah." Dr. Casnoff answered as we sat finishing up our work in the lab.  
  
"I'll have one too!" I called, raising my hand slightly, without turning away from the computer. With that Dr. Elise headed out of the main lab, and into the break room.**  
**  
There were only 3 of us left working that evening. Most people in my department had been sent home recently. Most of the heavy work on Metal Gear had been finished, it was down to testing at this point, which was precisely what we were doing.  
  
"Hah. Done and done." I smiled, turning to Casnoff, who had just shut down her computer. I in turn shut down mine.  
  
"Damn," Elise started, returning to the room with two sodas, "Those damn rats got into the break room again."  
  
"Yeah... I hope Baker has something done about that when he comes here tomorrow." Casnoff said reaching for her soda, "They're everywhere. It's ridiculous. A person can't live in these conditions ... let alone work. Maybe if he sees for himself he'll have something _done_ about it."  
  
"Well ... you know ... at least when all this testing is over we'll leave here rich..." Dr. Elise said slyly.  
  
"Hah. I'll drink to that." Casnoff smiled, rasing her soda.  
  
I approached Elise for a soda, but he opened it to toast with Casnoff, letting out a chuckle. I lowered my outstretched hand self consciously.  
  
"'_Hem_... Well... I'm not really in it for the money."  
  
Casnoff cocked an eyebrow at me, Elise snorted.  
  
"It's true..." I frowned. "Hey," I looked at my watch hastily, changing the subject, "We got done early today."  
  
"Great. I'm outta here." Elise said, grabbing his coat and putting it on.  
  
"We have to shut down the computers..." I said hastily. I didn't want them to leave yet. I had to stall... Somebody must have remembered...  
  
"Yeah... Okay." Casnoff yawned, going to shut down the few computers that still remained on.  
  
"Say, you guys..." I cleared my throat, "I was wondering if maybe you guys wanted to go to the mainland this weekend, or maybe next weekend ... or something... -- See a movie?" I finished, gulping in a deep breath, as I paused to adjust my glasses. Each second of silence cut into me like a dagger.  
  
"Ah, uhmm..." Casnoff winced, "Well... I am gonna be kinda busy, actually... And I was thinking of heading home for March ... you know. Seeing as how Baker said this would be the time.... And--"  
  
"--Oh..." I sighed. "Well. Th-that's okay." I shrugged, turning to Elise hopefully.  
  
"Heheh. A movie...?" He chuckled, heading out the door, "Sorry, boss, I'm not much into cartoons." He smirked condescendingly.  
  
I blinked as Elise started down the hall, "Huh?"   
  
"Ah, don't listen to him..." Casnoff said nervously.  
  
"Hey, you wanted to say the same thing and you know it!" Elise called defensively as the door slammed from down the hall. I looked over to Casnoff blankly.  
  
"Well..." She stuttered, "I kinda do know what he means... I mean -- It is kinda childish and all... -- And you'll quote it sometimes... It's kinda embarrassing -- I mean, I'm sure it's not all you do, but -- uhm..." She paused, clearing her throat.  
  
"Oh..." I sighed, "Well..." I turned to leave the lab.  
  
"Sorry." She called sympathetically, as I exited down the hall.  
  
"Don't forget to turn on the security system..." I mumbled back towards the door, as I made my way to the elevator.  
  
I pushed the button for the elevator as I listened to Casnoff in the next room setting up the over-the-top security system, which consisted of electrified floors and video cameras.  
  
_Vrrrr! _ The elevator opened and I walked in. I sighed, going through the same motions I had everyday since I'd started working on Shadow Moses Island. Leaving the elevator, heading outside, crossing the freezing snow field to the scientist's dorms. Nothing ever changed. Not even today.  
  
I walked silently down the dimly lit hall of the dorms on the far end of the island, I slid my PAN card into the lock and walked in. Everyone else in the building had either gone home or to sleep. I was alone.  
  
Alone in my same old dorm room. A den with TV, a sofa, and book shelves, a bathroom, and a bedroom. No kitchen. For food you went to the mess hall. But it was a cozy enough little living space.  
  
I took off my coat and shoes, then headed over to one of the book shelves that was home to my DVDs. I picked out an Anime and popped it in my DVD player and sat down on the sofa. The anime started up, the volume was low, but it didn't much matter. I'd seen it so many times, it didn't matter.  
  
I sighed, flopping over sideways on the couch as I clutched a pillow to my chest and stared blankly at the screen.  
  
"Well, Hal..." I muttered weakly, as I curled involuntarily into a fetal position, "Happy Birthday."  
  
"Happy birthday, honey!" My mother smiled, giving me a kiss on the forehead, I smiled back at her.  
  
"Where's dad?" I asked, looking up at her, as my party hat tried to slid into my eyes. I paused to fix it, as the lights went out. I gasped.  
  
"Uh-oh!" My mother said with mock surprise, as I heard the voice of my father behind me begin to sing The Birthday Song. I turned in surprise as he approached me with a chocolate cake that had four candles, each representing a glowing bright future. I was four and the possibilities were endless!  
  
My dad finished the song, and placed the cake on the table. "Now, blow them out and make a wish!" My father smiled, as my mother readied the camera.  
  
What to wish for? I could wish for anything I want! Should I wish for flight or maybe something I could ride on, like an elephant, or a bear, or a really big dog? That would be neat. Too bad my dad would be allergic to a really big dog...  
  
"Hal?" My Mom nudged me.  
  
"I'm thinking! I'm thinking!" I cried, watching the candles of hope shimmer before me, beckoning me to make a wish. I couldn't have a dog... A brother or a sister? That would be perfect. But flying...-- _Uh-oh! Gotta hurry!_  
  
_I wish I could fly! And a brother or sister would be nice too! _I concentrated as I blew out the candles, the camera flashed.  
  
"Huh!" I gasped, sitting up, as various explosions on the screen lit up the den. I sighed, getting up to turn off the TV, then made my way into my bed room.  
  
I walked over to my dresser and opened the bottom draw to pull out an old photo album, the only one I had. I was about to open it when I remembered something.  
  
"My fish!" I sighed, walking over to the night stand, home of a small fish bowl containing five little gold fish. I smiled as I pinched some fish food into the bowl, watching them swim to the top to munch on the food.  
  
"Well, you guys." I smiled, "Another year. Uhhn... I hope it didn't get to cold in here today. You almost froze that time the heater broke." I paused for a response.  
  
"Yeah, I'm still sorry about that. So. It's my birthday again, did you guys remember?" I chuckled, "Of course you didn't. You're fish." I smiled, as I sat down on my bed. "You're only fish..." My smile slowly transformed into a frown.  
  
I reached over for the photo album and opened it to the first page. There were a few pictures of me as a baby, with my father and mother, and my grandfathers. I had very few relatives. Both my mother and father had been only-childs, and only their fathers remained living, they had both lost their mothers around the time they got married.  
  
Finally on the third page I found the pictures from my fourth birthday. A few of me opening presents, and the one of me blowing out the candles. I had gotten one of my the wishes I had made that day. I never did get my wings...  
  
But I'd gotten a sister...--  
  
No! -- I shook my head vigorously, slamming the book shut with a gasp. I didn't need those memories, not now. I didn't...-- I didn't deserve those memories.  
  
I let out a heavy sigh, "Go to sleep, Hal... Just... Go to sleep. You'll feel better in the morning. No sense in letting this get to you..."  
  
_It's just one more night.... Alone..._  
  
  
  
  
  
NOTES:__ Chapter one, done. Be sure to tune in next week for the next exciting adventure of OTACON: THE ACTION MAN!! (Bumbumbum!) *ahem*_ Please review! ^_~  
Golly. I'm gonna make this note now ... and occasionally remind ya. I don't like to be inaccurate with my information. So if my info conflicts with some facts of the game PLEASE tell me. Particularly if the part in question was directly mentioned. ^_~ Tankies.   
Yeah, so I decided to serialize this instead of finishing the whole thing, then posting it. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. As I have a tendency to want (and need) to go back and change things. But I decided to try it this way. Blah.  
Tell me what you think.  
  
BTW, "Shadows" is a working title and is liable to change. ^_^ I just couldn't think of anything else, as of yet.  
If you have any better ideas, give me a wire!  
  
_


	2. omoide

**  
"Shadow"  
  
**_By: Otaku Tess  
  
  
  
****_CHAPTER TWO  
omoide   
  
  


  
"Yarrg..." I grumbled, opening my eyes, as I realized I'd fallen asleep in my clothes again.  
  
I yawned, stretched, and wiped my face, groggily, then reached over to my night stand to prod around for my glasses. When I'd found them and put them on I climbed out of bed. The crisp Alaskan sun shown through my window, I shielded my eyes as I looked out. Not much to look at, same as every morning. An old chain length fence not far from the window, an expanse of snow, and eventually a very uninviting ocean.  
  
I paused, noticing that some birds were perched on the fence, big black ones. "Hmm... Ravens." I commented to myself, as I started to turn away from the window, when something a little unusual caught my eye. I turned back quickly, and shielded my eyes against the glare of the glass.  
  
All down the fence were ravens! Lined up as far as the fence ran, their dark shinny feathers glistening occasionally from the sun, hundreds of opal eyes staring out vaguely towards nowhere in particular. "Bad omen..." I muttered to myself, wondering if maybe I was becoming a little superstitious. -- But before I could give it much more thought my stomach reminded me I hadn't eaten most of the day before.  
  
"Breakfast..." I muttered, looking at my clock. 9:30 on a Saturday, the mess hall would most likely be reasonably empty.  
  
I took a shower and changed clothes, then picked up my coat off the sofa, and headed down to the mess hall.  
  
On the way I noticed there were quite a few men in uniforms wandering around the area. They didn't appear to be patrolling or anything, so I paused to stop one that was passing by near me.  
  
"Hey, 'scuse me..." I said, tapping the man nervously.  
  
"Yeah, waddaya want?" He snapped.  
  
"Oh, er..." I fixed my glasses, "Sorry... I was just wondering ... uhm... What's going on?"  
  
"Hell if I know." He spat, and turned to leave.  
  
"Wait! Is this because of the testing that President Baker is coming for?" I persisted.  
  
"I already said I didn't know." He said, hastily. I don't think he'd even listened to my question.  
  
"But--"  
  
"Hey. I've got places to be..." He sneered, "Now, I'm outta here -- God... Stupid Alaska. Damn locals." He grumbled, as he headed off. "I'm gonna catch pneumonia, I can feel it..."  
  
I frowned. "But--!" I called again, but he seemed pretty determined not to let me stop him this time. "Shoot." With that I made my way to the mess hall, making my mind up not to let the next person I asked get away so easily.  
  
When I arrived in the mess hall it was no where near as empty as I had assumed it would be... In fact is was darn near packed with soldiers! They were dressed in the same uniform as the man I had stopped only moments before. I just prayed these guys would be a little nicer than that other one.  
  
"Hey...?" I started, gesturing to a man passing by me with a tray. "--Heh. Frosted flakes." I commented cheerfully, noticing the food on his tray, he didn't look amused, I cleared my throat, "--Do you know what's going on here?"  
  
"Yeah. We were brought in to help with the testing of Metal Gear. You're an engineer here, right?" He said, gesturing to the name card that was pinned to my coat.  
  
"Oh, ah -- yeah." I nodded.  
  
"Your president didn't tell you anything?"  
  
"Oh, Baker? No -- he didn't mention _anything_ like this..." I blinked, "I mean, I knew about the testing, of course, but--"  
  
"I'm not surprised. This is supposed to be kept quiet. That's why we're here, with a group called Fox-Hound."  
  
"Fox-hound?" I paused to adjust my glasses.  
  
"A special government unit. To help keep things hush-hush." He chuckled, and headed towards an empty table.  
  
"But... -- wouldn't it be less conspicuous to have FEWER people here?" I called.  
  
He tilted his head back to call to me, still walking, "That's what I thought... But hey. I'm just doing my job. But, trust me, if things get too out of hand, I'm outta here..."  
  
I sighed. _ Oh well. At least I'm not the only one who doesn't know what the heck is going on._ And with that thought, I headed to the kitchen to get some food -- Frosted Flakes, actually.  
  
After that I headed back across the snow to my room. On the roof of a building were perched the same black birds from the fence. They seemed to fill the air, their feathers and eyes flashed wickedly in the sun. "How.... Bizarre....!" I shuddered, attempting to shrug it off as I hurried inside.  
  
Once inside, I felt a lot better as soon I was out of the piercing gaze of those ravens. It's silly... -- but I couldn't help but feel that they were watching me, that they knew me somehow... They're just birds, but they made me feel uneasy. Like ... their eyes bore into my soul... -- I shuddered again, opening the door to my own room.  
  
I walked in, determined to ignore the birds. "Probably nothing. They're just birds. Heh... I think I _am _becoming superstitious." I chuckled, taking off my coat and draping it over the couch.  
  
I made my way into my bedroom, not quite certain what I would do with the rest of the day.  
  
I wasn't much in the mood for anime right now. "Hmm... What to do..?" I muttered, entering my room and sitting down on my disheveled bed. I looked around the room quizzically for a moment. Then I noticed my photo album sitting beside me, half covered by my blanket. I had left it on by bed last night.  
  
"Hmm..." I paused, reaching down and drawing it slowly onto my lap. I hadn't looked through the whole book for a long time. When I did open it, I seldom got past those happy pictures of my fourth birthday.  
  
I took a deep breath, and slowly pulled the album open, glancing down at it.  
  
My birthday pictures. I sighed and turned the page cautiously, knowing full well what I would see there.  
  
I swallowed, and looked down at the page... The pictures of my past before me in full color.  
  
The first was a picture of me, my dad, and my Mom. It had been professionally done and was the only one of its kind in the whole album.  
  
My eyes wandered to the picture below it.  
  
It was me wearing a black suit, holding a candle and sitting in a little chair, no more than 5 years old. How vividly I remembered that. That candle burning in my hand. I couldn't help but be drawn to its flame...  
  
It danced and shimmered and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I couldn't let it go out. I wouldn't let it go out. It was all I could do to to keep myself from my reality. The flame was my hope, bright and shining like the candles on a birthday cake...  
  
I don't know how long I stared at that flame, watching it as it flickered and dimmed with every movement. Fearing every breeze... But still, the flame flickered on. Not so much due to my watchful eyes...-- I knew that a strong enough breeze or a quick enough movement would send the flame into oblivion, and I would be able to do little else but watch, helplessly.  
  
"Son... Come on. Let's go home..." Came a far away voice that, as far as I was concerned, didn't even matter. Not in comparison to the assumed warmth of the flame that wasn't even close enough to feel, yet I didn't dare draw it closer for fear of losing it.  
  
"Hal..." The voice came again, like a person calling down a mine shaft, "Let's go."  
  
Then the flame was gone. My world was cast in shadows. And my was reality dropped on top of me like load of bricks.  
  
I snapped my head towards my father in utter shock. He had leaned down beside me and blown out the candle, just like that! He didn't even know... -- Slowly I looked back to the candle, its wick dark and smoking, not so much as a glowing ember left.  
  
"Mom's gone..." I sniffled weakly, and wrapped my arms around my father. He picked me up and carried me out as I cried onto his shoulder, still clinging resolutely to the candle. It wasn't until I fell asleep late that night that the candle finally slipped from my grasp.  
  
Out of my life, now ... except for memories...  
  
A tear trickled down my face, bringing me back to the present. I couldn't be sure if it was because the memory had shaken me, or if my eyes were just dry from staring blankly at the picture -- Maybe it was both... I couldn't tell.  
  
"Urg..." I sniffled, whipping the tear away, "Who would.... take a picture at a funeral...?" My face twisted into a grimace for a moment. I took a deep breath, trying to recompose myself.  
  
I hastily shut the book again after a moment, deciding I wouldn't look in the album anymore today.  
  
I didn't need my memories to keep me company...  
  
I needed...  
  
"--My fish!" I sighed, remembering them. I glanced over at them. "Do ya wanna be fed early today?" I smiled, pausing for a response.  
  
The fish didn't respond. They never do.  
  
I smiled again, "I'll take that as a 'Yes'." I picked up the fish food and pinched some in. They swam to the top to pick the food off the silvery surface of the water, just as they always did.  
  
"Maybe I should have gotten a parrot or something..." I commented dryly to my fish. "I mean, you guys are nice and all. But hey, at least a bird can talk. Heh. --A dog, maybe ... though he wouldn't be able to go outside, not with the wolf-dogs here. -- But sometimes I take care of them, so I guess that's sorta like having a dog...? Er... Well, I guess you and the wolves are all the pets I need, eh?" I paused again for a response.  
  
They didn't respond. They never do.  
  
And for a moment I wished with all my heart that my fish _would_ respond, that they_ would _talk to me. _ I need to know... _"Do you guys even know you keep me company? Do I keep you company? Would you care if I didn't come back?" I felt my face contort into a grimace again, I forced back my tears, leaning towards my fish, "I wish you could answer! ... I want ... something to need me." I sniffed, standing slowly.  
  
I stood in silence for a moment, just trying to breath. "Sorry." I said tersely, looking to my fish. They didn't respond. I bit my lip, and left the room.  
  
I made a beeline for my anime shelf, grabbed the happiest, funniest anime I owned, and stuck it in the DVD player.  
  
Maybe next I would watch a Monty Python movie or something? Star Wars, maybe? ...  
  
Anything!  
  
I needed something happy to get my mind off of it.  
  
_I need to get my mind off my ... Memories...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_NOTES: _Kind of a filler chapter... I feel like a rushed the beginning a little... But I wanted to get to the flashback... So yeah! ^_^ *ahem* Next ch. will be much longer! Weee~!  
_


	3. ookami

**"Shadows"  
  
**_By: Otaku Tess  
  
  
  
****_CHAPTER THREE  
ookami-sama  
  
  


  
"Mmm... Achk..." I sat up groggily, as just about every joint in my body cracked. "Ouch..." I grumbled, pulling my glasses off my face with one hand, and rubbing the bruise they had left with the other. "I hate when I do that..." I sighed, bending my glasses back into their proper shape.  
  
I got up, feeling sore from having fallen asleep on my less than comfortable sofa, not to mention a bit irritated ... and ... cold. It was very cold this morning.  
  
"Don't tell me they turned down the heat again..." I frowned, dragging myself down the hall to check the thermostat. "Yep, they did... -- Are they_ trying_ to kill my fish....?" I sighed. The heat was usually turned down on the weekends when people weren't expected to be in, to save energy, and more importantly money. Fortunately or unfortunately, most of the time it didn't go below 55 degrees...  
  
"50 degrees..." I grumbled, reading off the thermostat. "Geeze, it's cold..." I huffed, walking into my bathroom to see if they'd turned off the hot water in the dorms too. They didn't usually turn off the hot water... But it had happened from time to time.  
  
I rubbed my arms vigorously, trying to create some heat while the sink ran. I checked it after a minute, and sure enough... No hot water.  
  
"Damn..." I winced, in defeat. "So much for a bath..."  
  
With that, I went into my room to change into something much warmer. Something warm enough to be outside in. As I changed I happened to glance out my window, and I noticed that the ravens were gone. They'd probably moved on. Hopefully. It seemed a little cold for them to be around here, anyway...  
  
Once I was changed into something considerably warmer, I headed outside. I decided to go get some scraps from the kitchen to feed to the dogs.  
  
"Hello?" I called, entering the kitchen area of the mess hall from the back door. "Anybody around?"  
  
"Doctor?" Came a voice, it was Theodore Mason (affectionately Ted), the head cook on the base. I could almost always count on him to be in the kitchen. "Want some food for the dogs, I bet?"  
  
"Yeah." I smiled, "I haven't given them anything for about a week, I hope they're okay..."  
  
Ted chuckled. "They're basically wolves, Doctor. I wouldn't worry about 'em. They really can fend for themselves..."  
  
"I know... -- I just like to take care of them... It makes me feel needed, you know?" I responded with a smile.  
  
"Yeah, I getcha." He said, pleasantly, giving me a small garbage bag filled with what smelled like meat scraps.  
  
"Thanks." I smiled, taking the bag back outside.  
  
"No problem." Ted called, as the door shut behind me.  
  
Ted was a nice guy, I'd considered perusing a friendship with him before... But... -- I was never one to be very assertive. It had taken all the courage I'd had to ask Dr. Casnoff and Dr. Elise if they wanted to do something -- and they'd said no... I'd prefer to let them make friends with me than the other way around. It was easier that way... I don't like to be the one to incite a friendship. It's easier to wait for consent than to ask for it...  
It's easier to wait...  
  
Before I knew it I had wandered my way to the snowfeild nearby the blast furnace. It was a long, cold walk there, but I didn't mind it much -- not like I had anything better to do, heh. Besides it was a popular hang out for the wolf-dogs, so chances are a number of them would be wandering around the area.  
  
I dumped out the contents of the bag in the snow near a group of trees, the start of a small wooded area. I let out a taxi cab whistle and hurried to a safe distance from the pile of food. Several wolf-dogs rushed out from beyond the trees and over to the food. They munched on it hungrily, as I watched from a few yards off.  
  
I couldn't really get too close to them, for fear of getting bitten. They wouldn't attack me on sight or anything (as they were known to do from time to time) but they didn't fully trust me either... I hoped that some time they would be more trusting towards me. But as of right now, there was really only one that would even approach me. I'd even pet her once... Unfortunately, I hadn't seen her lately.  
  
I smiled to myself as I stood captivated by the dogs. They really were beautiful. I wish I could have had a dog as a child... But even if I had, no dog could have been as magnificent as these wolf-dogs.  
  
Suddenly, a thunder pierced the air, and right before my eyes, one of the wolves yelped and fell into the snow, I watched in horror as the snow around the wolf turned bloody crimson.  
  
I turned quickly to see who had shot at the animal, and found myself staring down the barrel of a gun. I stood helpless as I heard another shot go off, silencing another wolf.  
  
"Somebody go head 'em off! Don't let 'em get away, now!" The person holding a gun to my head called, as several uniformed men hurried off through the snow after the wolves that were attempting to escape. Meanwhile others surrounded several of the slower wolves with their guns drawn. Some of the wolves attempted to attack the soldiers, but were met with the butt of a gun.  
  
"I don't suggest you move." Growled the man holding me prisoner.  
  
"W-why... are you doing this...?" I whimpered.  
  
"The boss ordered that the wolves be exterminated. Too many men were attacked already." He hissed, as two other men approached me.  
  
"Yeah!" A familiar voice interrupted, "One of those friggin' dogs damn near killed me... -- I friggin' HATE Alaska..." He added, angrily, rasing his gun. "What's with this guy?"  
  
"Please don't hurt the dogs..." I pleaded, meekly.  
  
"Haha. We have a job to do." The man with the gun to my head laughed, "Now, if you don't watch yourself we might just be forced to _deal _with you."  
  
"Yeah, ya hippy." Angry guard chuckled.  
  
The man holding me hostage looked over to the other two soldiers, "Should I call the boss or just take care of--" Suddenly he stopped, letting out a choked whimper, as he slipped to the ground, unconscious ... or dead.  
  
"What the--?" I gawked, looking around for what might have caused this sudden narcoleptic behavior.  
  
"What the hell didja do!?" The talkative guard shouted, leveling his gun at me, "Get your arms in the air!"  
  
"I didn't do anything!" I pleaded, raising my arms hastily, just as he went down, then almost immediately afterwards the silent guard fell, too.  
  
I stood in panic, frozen in the spot. _Do I run? What if they see me and shoot at me? Do I stay here and hope they don't notice? What if they notice me? What if what happened to the soldiers happens to me? What if these guys wake up? What if they're dead? What about the dogs? Can I save the dogs? I need to go get someone! Who do I get!?_  
  
Suddenly a soft hand touched my shoulder. "Go hide." A voice with a haunting accent commanded, I didn't wait a second to dash off behind a large tree. I glanced back a few times, identifying a blond woman with a gun as the one who had ordered me to flee. She watched me until she saw where I had hidden, then headed off towards the soldiers.  
  
I peaked out from behind the tree and watched as the blondish woman with the large gun in her hands -- and an even larger one strapped to her back -- made her way towards the group of soldiers. They had just about finished rounding up all the dogs.  
  
I was too far away to hear anything, but I watched intently. The woman appeared to be saying something to the men, a few of them shouted at her. I could vaguely make out something about "following orders" from one of them, followed by angry shouting from all of them.  
  
Then, with a swift, yet uncannily relaxed movement, the woman pulled the larger gun from her back and discarded the slightly smaller one in the snow near her feet. She took aim through the guns scope and spoke to them, then they slowly began to disperse, leaving back towards the communication towers.  
  
The wolves didn't hesitate to head back out through the trees. The woman watched them go, and then turned slowly to the two fallen dogs.  
  
Slowly I moved out from behind the tree and crept as softly as I could through the snow. She bent down beside the two dogs as I approached a few feet behind her. I saw that she was wearing a jumpsuit that looked ill-suited for this type of weather, though it did appear modest enough, as it was zipped up to her neck.  
  
"I should have used _real_ bullets..." She cursed, glancing to the gun laying in the snow a short distance away.  
  
I shuddered softly, she turned her head slightly, more to acknowledge my presence than to look at me. Her thoughts were clearly on the wolves. "Are you all right?" She asked coldly.  
  
"I -- ah -- _I'm_ fine -- I think -- I -- the dogs..." I stuttered helplessly.  
  
"They're dead." She answered shortly. "This one had a pup..." She paused, gesturing to the fallen beast nearest her.  
  
"Will it be all right...?" I blinked.  
  
"I'm sure the others will take care of her pup." She responded, without taking her eyes off the wolves.  
  
"What ... are we going to do with them...?" I asked slowly, gesturing to the wolves, trying my hardest not to look at them.  
  
"I haven't decided." She answered shortly. "You don't need to concern yourself anymore. The wolves are no longer your responsibility. It would be best if you left now."  
  
"But--"  
  
"I said go." She repeated harshly, standing and turning to me.  
  
"But ... you saved my life." I finished, gratefully.  
  
"Yes. And...?"  
  
"Well, I just thought...--" I stopped, she cocked an eyebrow at me expectantly, "I... thought... I owe you one...?" I finished hopefully.  
  
"You owe me nothing." She turned back to the wolves, "I didn't do this for you."  
  
"Oh..." I paused. _Of course she didn't..._ "Uhm..?" I ventured. She didn't respond. I swallowed hard, "Uh... What ... happened...? What did you say to them...?"  
  
"..." She growled.  
  
I took a step backwards in surprise. "I -- ah ... sorry... I'll go..." I sighed in defeat, turning to leave.  
  
"...My boss." She started, stopping me in my tracks, "...Ordered that the wolves be rounded up and shot. He did not tell me that he had given those orders... The moment I found out about it I headed out here to stop them. If our boss has a problem with it. He can take it up with me."  
  
"You're boss? President Baker?" I questioned, turning back to her, she was still facing the wolves.  
  
"No."  
  
I considered pursuing the inquiry further, but something told me it would best if I let it go... "Err..." I turned briefly to the 3 soldiers that had dropped like flies around me, then back to the woman, "Are they ... dead_._..?"  
  
"No. Tranquilized. They'll be asleep for a few hours..." She stood again, but this time, did not face me.  
  
"Well, at least they're not dead. Are you going to leave them there, though?"  
  
"Yes. But they use anti-freezing peptides. Don't worry about them--"  
  
"I'm not..." I responded harshly, she'd thought I was worried about them. True, I didn't want them to die... But I would be more than happy to leave them in the snow for a few hours, it was less than they deserved...  
  
She chuckled darkly, sensing my distaste for the soldiers. She turned to me, "You care for the wolves?"  
  
"Sometimes I bring them food..." I answered, "They can take care of themselves, I know... But..." I shrugged, "I like them."  
  
She nodded slowly, smiling slightly.  
  
"Are you going to leave the dogs here?" I looked past her to the dogs laying cold in the crimson ice, a light snow began to fall in the still air.  
  
She paused, then nodded.  
  
"Oh." I sighed, pulling my gaze from the dogs, as a sob escaped my throat. The woman picked up the tranq-gun, then began to walk away. "Wait!" I called.  
  
She stopped, but did not turn to me, "Yes?"  
  
"What's... your name?" I ventured softly.  
  
"... Sniper Wolf." She answered, and headed off through the snow again.  
  
"Can I see you again?" I blurted, without thinking.  
  
This time she stopped completely and turned to me, then nodded, "140.06..." Then disappeared as the snow began to fall more rapidly.  
  
I don't know how long I stood there in the freezing snow as flakes fell delicately around me. It probably wasn't for nearly as long as I thought it had been. I had a habit of losing track of time. It had felt like hours before I headed slowly back to the mess hall, in all reality it probably hadn't been more that 5 minutes. If that.  
  
When I reached the mess hall I had a slightly late lunch, and I also picked up something to have later for dinner, then headed back to my dorm... I wasn't quite ready to let the morning's events sink in yet.  
  
I dropped my doggy bag on the end table in the den, then headed straight to my room and flopped onto my bed. "Oww..." I groaned, landing on something that jabbed me in the back.  
  
The photo album. I hadn't put it away yet. I slowly pulled it onto my lap and looked at the cover a moment, caressing the corners with my fingers. "Hmm..." I paused, as my fingers hovered around the edge, ready to pull the book opened.  
  
"No..." I huffed, standing abruptly and shoving the album back into the bottom drawer of my dresser. I sighed, then lay down on my bed and rolled over on my stomach to look at my wall.  
  
I had nearly covered my wall with posters, most of them I had gotten from AnimeCons. I scanned the wall, silently, picking out a few of my favorites. I'd put my _Policenauts_ posters in the lab, I still had my _Robotech_, _Gundam_ and _Evangelion_ posters, though. The mecha animes had always been my favorite. I had other posters, though. _Ranma ½_, _Revolutionary Girl Utena_ (an odd one), _Trigun_, _Slayers_. ..._Cowboy Bebop_...  
  
_Cowboy Bebop_... I hadn't gotten_ that_ poster at an AnimeCon. A friend had given it to me. The first friend I had ever had... I'd met her in my first year of College, not to mention my first time in conventional schooling...  
  
I retained my memories of her as if they had happened just yesterday. True, many of my memories were decidedly vivid... But most of them were unwanted... -- However, some, like my memories of her, were welcome ones.  
  
I lay back on my bed, folding my hands behind my head and closing my eyes...  
  
I pushed my glassed back up my nose, and focused my eyes on the poster I had spotted shortly after I entered the room. Two anime women, one with orange hair and a headband, and one with long blue hair, they both had guns. Something was written under it in Japanese.  
  
"What anime is this...?" I questioned, cocking my head at the picture.  
  
"The Dirty Pair." Came the response from the bed. I turned back to her. "It's really cool. It's based on a novel written in Japan."  
  
She had invited me to her dorm room so we could study for a science test that was coming up. We had a lot of the same classes together, but this was the first time we'd actually met outside of class.  
  
She was very ... cute. Not gorgeous, not beautiful ... cute. She had shoulder length strawberry-blond hair, with long bangs that flopped to one side of her face. She had bright freckles, part of the reason that she looked a little young to be in college, like myself. She glanced up at me through a small, stylish pair of round rimless glasses.  
  
"Uh..." I fixed my less than complementary glasses nervously, "I'm sorry. What was you're name again?" It was embarrassing, I had such a terrible time with names. I knew her by sight, of course, but even after 2 months of school with her, I still couldn't put a name to her face. All I could remember about her was that she liked anime, too.  
  
"Oh. It's'okay, kid." She smiled, resting her chin in her hands as she lay stomach down on her bed. "My name's Cassandra. But. How 'bout we keep this simple and you call me Axe, 'kay, Hal?"  
  
"Err... Okay. Why... _Axe_ though?" I blinked.  
  
"It's my nickname. Got it at Ren Faire." She smiled, "I used to be really into that stuff back in Jr. High."  
  
"Wren Fair?" I was confused.  
  
"Renaissance Faire." She prompted.  
  
"Oh, I've heard of those." I blushed slightly, "Never been to one, though. -- But why did you get a name like that there?"  
  
She grinned, "I have an aptitude for the throwing ax." She pantomimed throwing an ax, as she bounced into a sitting position on her bed. "The name just kinda stuck through high school.."  
  
"Hmm..." I paused. "So, do you want to get started studying?" The sooner I helped her with science, the sooner she could help me with English. We a had a book report coming up, and I had no clue where to start.  
  
"Well..." She pondered a moment, "I thought we might get to know each other first. I mean, we have 5 classes together and you didn't even know my name. I... thought we could ... talk for a while?" She smiled hopefully, but I couldn't help but detect an air of sadness as well, a sadness I somehow recognized...  
  
I paused for a moment, "Oh! -- Yeah! Of course!" I answered hastily, "What do you want ... to talk about?"  
  
"Well, anything. Just get to know each other. How about... I ask you a question, you answer, then you ask me one that I answer ... and ... we kinda go back and fourth for a while."  
  
"Okay. You ... go first..." I said, still standing, a little uneasy. I wasn't very good with talking to people. I hadn't been in too many social situations before college, and I preferred to just stay to myself in my classes. When Axe had approached me at the end of science the other day to propose a study session, I'd declined three times before she talked me into it... I was still nervous.  
  
"All right." She smirked slightly, "Why don't you have a seat?" She gestured to a rolly chair pushed under a desk in the corner.  
  
"Oh. Uhm. I dunno. Heh." I shrugged, pulling the chair out and having a seat so I could face her as she sat on the bed. "..." I paused, she looked at me expectantly, "What?" I said, blankly.  
  
"You're turn, Hal." She smiled.  
  
"Hey, that was kinda unfair..." I frowned and bit my lip, nervously.  
  
"Hal, relax. Don't be so nervous. I don't want to scare you away. Trust me, I don't. Try and relax, and don't leave... Please don't leave." She tried to sound comforting, but she was also begging. I realized that the last thing she wanted me to do was leave...  
  
She was _lonely_...  
  
She suddenly seemed a lot easier to talk to, now. I now had more in common with her than I thought...  
  
"Oh..." I paused, taking a deep breath to calm myself, "I won't leave. We can talk..."  
  
"Great!" She sighed in relief. "Okay. I'll ask you another question because that was a little low of me." She chuckled, "Why are you here when you're so much younger than everyone? You're younger than me." She commented.  
  
"Er... Well, I guess because I never went to real school, ya know. I studied at home through the Internet..."  
  
"Ah, STAR." She interjected. "School Transmitting And Receiving."  
  
"Yeah." I nodded, smiling slightly, "So, I finished Kindergarten through twelfth grade a little faster than most people."  
  
"A _little_? You're a kid-genius!" She exclaimed, "I'm _so _jealous." She smirked good-naturedly.  
  
"What about you, though?" I started, "You seem a little young..."  
  
"Well, yeah. I'm 17." She sighed, "I graduated High School when I was 16. I skipped the fourth and seventh grade. Nothing terribly amazing. -- Er. My turn again." She paused, "Well... What brings you to Princeton?"  
  
"A taxi." I responded, with a grin.  
  
"Hardy-_har_." She cocked an eyebrow at me, "You and I are gonna get along." She added with a chuckle. "But _seriously_...?" She leaned forward, her glasses glinted in the light from the window.  
  
"It's a good school..." I responded slowly, "My dad wanted me to go here ... ya know?"  
  
"Heh, yeah, I know how that is." She rolled her eyes, "Mine did too. Says 'it's good publicity' -- But sorry, you were saying?"  
  
"Uhm... Yeah. My dad wanted me to go right on to college as soon as I graduated STAR..." I continued.  
  
"Oh, do you live around here, then?" She cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"No... I'm from out of state. I'm staying in a dorm. I'll go home for the summer and other vacations, though."  
  
"Geeze, your dad just sent you out here all by yourself...? I mean, you're obviously intelligent enough to go to Princeton... But you seen kinda young to be on your own at this point -- No offense. It just seems kinda ... mean." She finished, with a distasteful frown.  
  
"Well, the dorm is safe, and as long as I don't really leave the school I'll be fine. Dad thought it was the best thing for me. -- To move on to college as soon as possible. I'm planning to get my Bachelor's and Master's degree here."  
  
"Err..." She paused, "I dunno. Just not what I would have done if you were _my_ kid. I can't believe he wouldn't keep you in the same state, at least..."  
  
"My dad knows what he's doing." I started, a little defensively, "He's just kinda busy. This was best for both of us." I explained. "No distractions."  
  
"Oh... I guess so.... Not that I ever really considered family a distraction." She seemed taken aback for a moment, but shook her head, as if to snap herself out of it, then looked back to me, "You're turn then."  
  
"I don't view my dad as a distraction..." I said, with a frown. "I just... -- I don't know... Sometimes he's really busy with work, and all ya know? ... He has to pay for this school somehow... -- And if I wasn't around then -- and I'm kinda -- er..." I tried to finish. I wanted to defend my dad, but at this point I wasn't even sure what I had said previously, let alone what to say next. "I'm sorry." I breathed, "I'm not used to talking to people... Errr... What was that about your dad sending you here?" I asked at last.  
  
She paused, giving me a second to recover, then responded. "Yeah. My dad's running for governor of New Jersey. It looks like he'll win, at this point. -- He seems pretty popular. He thought that his eldest child going to a school like Princeton at age 17 would be good publicity. He wants to run for president someday."  
  
I nodded, "Do you have siblings?"  
  
"Yeah, a little sister. She's only about five. One good thing about staying here, I don't have to put up with her. Or my Mom gloating over her every ten seconds." She chuckled.  
  
"Aww.. you're lucky. I would love to have a sister!" I whined.  
  
"Hah. Not_ my _sister. She's insane."  
  
"Well, I dunno..." I mused, then looked back to Axe, "You're turn."  
  
"All right... Uhmmmm...." She put a hand to her chin, thoughtfully, "What's your favorite anime?"  
  
I chuckled, "Well, that could take all night... Robotech is one."  
  
"Oh, that one's good."  
  
"Yeah, I'm gonna learn to build robots like that. I can show you some of my models later, if you want." I grinned.  
  
"That would be awesome. What about K.O.R.?"  
  
"I haven't heard of that one!"  
  
"We'll I'll have to show you some time." She smiled...  
  
That conversation went on and we never did get started on our studying, that night... But I'd finally met someone whom I had something in common with. A friend.  
  
Yeah ... after that Axe and I had become almost inseparable all through college. Though I did graduate before she did... I'd gotten my masters in four years, it took her the full six... But she had a life outside of school. She went home on the weekends frequently, and she never hung around on vacations. I, on the other hand, had a lot more time to my work... I didn't always have the option of going home... So my work got done a lot faster.  
  
She had majored in Zoology, she loved animals more than anything, I remember. She was sweet like that, she was all kindness... However, she minored in computer science, which gave us another class together. She seemed to have an aptitude for computers, even though, we both had to admit that I far surpassed her in that field.  
  
I lay on my bed, slowly returning from my thoughts...  
  
I hadn't seen her in years. The last time I'd seen her was actually in 1993, when we'd gone to the first OtaKon together. She'd, in fact, given me my nickname there. _Otacon_.  
  
I had accidentally pronounced the word "Ah-da-kon" instead of "Oh-ta-kon," as would be expected of anyone who knew anything about Japanese... So, she commenced calling me "Ah-tacon" for the rest of the trip. I admit it was very American of me, but at least I got a nickname out of it.  
  
I chuckled to myself, remembering. I'd kept in touch with her through e-mail and snail mail for a few years after that, though we never really got together, except that one planned meeting at OtaKon... And then one day, shortly after our last meeting together.... she'd just disappeared, and I hadn't seen or heard from her since...  
  
I sighed, then opened my eyes again and rolled over on my bed, adjusting myself so I could look into the fish bowl sitting on my night stand.  
  
"So guys." I started, "Do ya think the hot water is back? Heh. Yeah, I know 'How would you know,' right?" I chuckled slightly, then let out a heavy sigh. "I met this ... woman today. She said her name was 'Sniper Wolf'... I don't know what to make of her ... but... I know... I want to see her again. I have to see her again." I paused, "Aaand, I'm talking to my fish... -- ahh... What else is new, right guys...? I'm gonna see if I can take a bath..." I huffed, rolling over and pulling myself off the bed and into my bathroom.  
  
I ran the sink water for a minute, waiting for the hot water again. "Ah, good. It's back." I smiled, as I started to run a bath.  
  
I methodically pulled my clothes off as the water ran. Steam began to fill the room, causing the mirror to fog up. I took off my equally fogged glasses, and set them on the counter. Then paused, looking at my hazy image in the mirror, and slowly lifted a hand wiping away enough of the shroud to see my face through the mist.  
  
I blinked for a moment, I couldn't see very well without my glasses. I leaned forward to get a better look at myself, "I ought to shave..." I grumbled. "I could use a haircut too..." With that I hopped into the bath tub.  
  
"Hot." I winced, I definitely was watching to much Anime. I chuckled slightly, momentarily musing over why anime characters felt it prudent to exclaim "hot" or "cold" when met with water.  
  
Within a minute, however, my mind had wandered again to the mysterious woman I had met earlier that day. She was unlike anything I had seen before, uncanny. The way she moved, the way she spoke, her hair, her eyes. They stuck in my mind, even though I had only seen her briefly.  
  
_Sniper Wolf.  
  
What must her real name be? _ I wondered.  
  
I would call her tonight by CODEC. 140.06. Maybe I wouldn't find out her name just yet... But I would talk to her. I had to get to know her. I couldn't explain it...  
  
She'd given me her frequency. I could contact her, now... I just couldn't help but wonder... Was she lonely too? I had to find out. I owed her ... at the very least I could keep her company. At the very least ... we could get to know each other...?  
_  
I want to get to know this woman..._  
  
_But until then...  
  
She will remain ... Lady Wolf...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_NOTES: _Wow. Chapter three was a long one, neh...?  
Small warning on the Flashbacks from here on out, they might tend to jump around from time to time, so prepare yourself. They won't _necessarily_ be chronological any longer.  
I was afraid when I created Otacon's pet fish that his speaking to them would appear too strange and a little loopy... But now that I have done a few scenes with them I like them a lot more.  
I for one, talk to my cat, my cat can't respond. I know she has no idea what I'm talking about, but I feel comforted having someone to talk to who will never tell a secret. Granted fish are a bit different from a cat, but the principle is the same.... And I know for a fact some people happen to LOVE fish. (in a white wine sauce, ark ark, but seriously.) Otacon just seemed like a fish person to me. I wonder if "_Gyotaku__" meaning "Fish Print_" has anything to do with it. (not that I know what Fish Print is, exactly) LOL  
As for Axe... I'm fairly certain that will be the last mention of her. While I wanted to give Otacon a friend during his college years... I didn't want to over do it. So after he graduates she kinda fades into the background. He might have written to her once or twice after he graduated, and met up with her that one time at OtaKon... But she really kinda loses significance in his life, at least when compared to the sort of relationship he had with Emma. While he still remembers her as a friend, she didn't have the kind of effect on him that Emma did. I just thought I might explain that... So, she won't really be showing up through the rest of the story. heh. ^_^;;_


	4. tenchi

**  
"Shadows"  
**_  
By: Otaku Tess****_  
  
  
  
CHAPTER FOUR  
oyasuminasai watashi no tenshi  


  
  
  
_Eeenk! Eeenk! Eeenk! Eeenk! Eeenkee~~! _ My alarm clock blared in my ear, I sat bolt upright and slammed my hand down on the snooze button, trying to catch my breath from the surprise. I hadn't slept very well that night, and felt very jumpy. I'd been woken up several times that night by house-sounds as well as small, normal, nothing noises from outside.  
  
"Gosh, I gotta lower that thing!" I panted, getting out of bed. I got dressed and put on my coat and headed out the door at around 5:45.  
  
I had called Wolf the night before and asked her if I could feed the dogs. She'd said I could and told me to meet her in the Underground Passage between 5:00 and 6:00 AM.  
  
"I hope I'm not late..." I lamented, making my way through the snow to the building that led to the Underground Passage. On my way I couldn't help but notice that there were still an awful lot of ravens around, but shrugged it off once I was inside and on my way to the Passage.  
  
I quietly, entered the passage, wandering under the metal catwalk that stood against the wall beside the door. "You're late." Purred a voice that seemed to fill the room.  
  
I turned quickly in all directions, looking for the owner of the voice, as Sniper Wolf dropped down in front of me from the catwalk above. She was wearing the same thing as the other day, but now the front was unzipped almost all the way down to her waste, and she didn't appear to be wearing anything underneath.  
  
I blushed visibly.  
  
She blinked in confusion. "What?"  
  
"Uhh... yer, ah-- uh... could you...--?" I stammered as I gestured rather frantically to her chest with my right hand, and attempted to cover my eyes with the other hand. Though, lefty just didn't seem to want to cooperate with me... I continued to blush vividly.  
  
"...?" She paused, looking down, "Oh." She frowned at me and zipped up her jump suit. "Better?"  
  
I nodded, resting my hands at my side. I felt my face cool off... "So, you were gonna ... show me...?" I ventured.  
  
"Yes..." She interjected, as she turned to lead me down the passage. She glanced back at me and I couldn't help but detect a small smile, "Let me show you something..."  
  
I nodded and followed after her, we padded quietly down the passage, the only sound was the crunch of the frosty, rather dirty floor under our feet. I pulled my coat around myself, absently.  
  
"...Cold..." I grumbled, as we approached a door, "How can you wear that?"  
  
"Anti-freezing peptides..." She answered vaguely as the door slid opened.  
  
"Oh." I blinked, she led me through the door into a cave-like area, "What's this place for?"  
  
"A short-cut through the glaciers. It's only really used in emergencies, as far as I know..." She answered, with a pause, then almost purred "-- Come." She gestured for me to follow, then dropped onto her stomach at the end of the cave-area, and crawled under an opening near the floor.  
  
I shrugged to myself and followed. The cold floor bit at my skin through my clothes, and I was glad to be standing again, once I had made it under the gap.  
  
"Wow. I never knew this was here..." I commented, "Where does it lead?"  
  
She didn't appear to hear me, either that, or she was ignoring me... But I didn't have much time to pursue, because just at that moment I heard a deep growl from behind me. I spun around in surprise, and stepped backwards quickly, almost backing into Sniper Wolf.  
  
Upon turning I saw that a wolf had appeared behind me, and was snarling warily at me, it's eyes flashed red in the dim light.  
  
"Heh. Heh? Nice doggy?" I smiled, lamely, giving it a little wave.  
  
To my surprise, it stopped growling immediately, cocked it's head a perked up it's ears. "...?" The dog seemed to say, as it sniffed at the air where I had stood seconds before.  
  
I leaned down to get a better look at the dog, absently fixing my glasses as I did so. "...? Are you...?" I started, holding out my hand slowly to the dog. It took a few steps towards me. I smiled, reaching forward to scratch its head. It gurgled happily, as it's tongue lolled out of its mouth, panting gleefully.  
  
I looked back to Sniper Wolf with a smile. She was leaning against the rocky wall with a flickering light jutting out of it. It looked as if it could go out at any time. She had her arms folded and the dim light above her cast an eerie, almost sinister glow across her face. Yet, it somehow left the beauty in tact. She looked to me with an approving smile, and a slight nod. "... The wolves seem to like you."  
  
"Well, you know... I kinda already knew this one." I smiled. The dog's happy panting created visible steam, as I continued to pet her. "I just hadn't seen her in a while..."  
  
Sniper Wolf nodded slowly, still giving me that approving smile as I turned back to the dog. "What's your name." She said, not so much asking, as demanding.  
  
"Hal..." I responded, turning back to her, as I adjusted my glasses again, "Hal Emmerich..."  
  
"Hal Emmerich." She repeated.  
  
"But." I started, lifting my hand from the dogs head, to turn to her. The wolf whined in annoyance at my stopping, "You can call me... Otacon." I smiled.  
  
"Otacon?" She wrinkled her nose slightly.  
  
"Well, yeah... It's my nickname." I explained zealously, "It stands for _Otaku Convention_... For people who like Japanese animation."  
  
She cocked her head. "...?"  
  
"Never mind..." I sighed, "It's not important. I just figured ... if I was gonna call you 'Sniper Wolf'... then you should have something neat to call me." I chirped, hopefully.  
  
She let out a chuckle, "All right. Otacon, then..."  
  
"So..." I said, after what felt to me like an awkward pause, Sniper Wolf didn't seem to notice though, "You were gonna show me how to feed the dogs?"  
  
"They are part wolf." She started, as she strayed from the wall to pet the dog, the eerie glow was replaced by shadows, "They shouldn't _need _to be fed by humans. But, if it gets too cold. If winter is too harsh. They end up relying on humans to feed them... I pity them... -- They're wolves ... yet, they've grown so accustom to being taken care of by people that they are beginning to forget how to survive on their own. They need us, but they are too frightened and threatened by us to be able to act like dogs..." She sighed, "Too much a wolf to act like dog... And too much a dog to ever truly be a wolf..." I sensed the pity in her voice, she felt sorry for them, but there was something else there, too, something she was internalizing... I couldn't explain it.  
  
I nodded, listening intently. "Do they _need_ to be fed now...?"  
  
She nodded, "We should. They seem to have been having some trouble hunting lately ... with the cold. But I don't mind feeding them. It's one of the better parts of my day.They're better company than the people I know." She frowned, focusing her attention to the wolf she was petting.  
  
"Oh..." I sighed, taking her remark a little more personally than I probably should have, "Well, what were ya gonna show me?" I persisted after a moment.  
  
She was silent for a moment, thinking deeply, "...I'll be right back." Then she strutted off. I stood alone, well, alone except for the wolf. For a moment I wondered if Sniper Wolf would really come back.  
  
_What had she been thinking about?_ I wondered momentarily, just as she reentered the area with a large bag resting on her shoulder.  
  
"Dog food?" I questioned, reading the bag.  
  
She nodded, "If the dog in them needs to be fed by humans..." she dropped the bag on the ground, "Then dog food should serve the purpose."   
  
"Makes sense." I glanced over to the dog that sat staring at me happily smiling a dog smile. I smiled back. "Heh. I like her." I commented brightly.  
  
Sniper Wolf ripped opened the bag, and held a handful of dry dog food out to the wolf-dog. It bounded forward and gobbled the food from her cupped palm.  
  
"Aren't you afraid they'll bite ya or something?" I asked in awe.  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh." Another awkward silence...  
  
"Do you want to...?" She offered, looking to me.  
  
"Oh! Sure!" I chirped, reaching into the bag and obtaining a handful of food, which I timidly held out to the dog. She, just as timidly, munched the food out of my hand. This seemed to me to be a very intelligent animal. "You're a smart one, aren't you." I cooed at it, patting it's head with my free hand. "Wow." I looked back to Sniper Wolf, "I never thought I'd be letting a wolf eat out of my hand." She didn't respond, she merely watched me as I fed the dog.  
  
Soon others had flocked in around me for food. I gladly obliged, letting some of them eat from my hands, while others devoured the food I had poured onto the ground.  
  
I sighed to myself, happily. Being able to actually feed the dogs, to pet them and get close to them ... to get a feel for which ones likes me, which ones just tolerated me... It was a wonderful experience, and I was a little saddened when I noticed I had given away all the dog food. For a few happy moments I had felt needed.  
  
All the while Sniper Wolf said nothing. I wanted her to say something. Comment on how I was doing. Was I handling the dogs well? Did they like me? Were they tolerating me because she was there? Did she know how good this made me feel? I wanted her to talk to me.  
  
"Sniper Wolf...?" I ventured, once the wolves realized I was out of dog food and began to disperse. "How ... do they get in here...?"  
  
She shrugged, "They have their ways, I'm sure. I have yet to explore this cave completely."  
  
"Well ... thank you. -- For letting me feed them." I smiled, gratefully, "But... I was wondering..." I stopped.  
  
She looked at me, silent, waiting patiently for me to continue.  
  
"... I was wondering. Why did you invite me here?"  
  
She stared at me for a moment, not answering. "Just a moment." She said, disappearing again... Though this time she returned quickly, and she was holding a small wolf pup in her arms, "Is that...?" I blinked as I took a deep breath of the cold air.  
  
She nodded, "The pup of the wolf that was shot the other day. It will be fine." She gave me a comforting smile. "I thought you might like to see him for yourself."  
  
I looked at it for a moment, before I reached out to pet it. It was so adorable, it's fur was softer than the other wolves'. "Thank you." I smiled back, "I'm so glad it's all right."  
  
She nodded, and held the dog out to me, setting it in my arms. I held it there for a moment, smiling to myself, it's soft fur brushed against my face. I scratched it's head lightly, before I returned it to the floor. It scampered off happily. "With all due respect to my goldfish..." I started, jokingly, "I wish I could have had a chance to interact with the dogs like this a lot sooner."  
  
She gave me that slight smile again, the one that had a habit of looking a little more like a smirk at times. I found myself captivated by her for a moment as she stood there in the eerie dim light, but was snapped out of it by the flickering of the bulb in the cave wall.  
  
"--Dah! Ah--" I blinked, attempting to say something before she'd noticed I'd been starring, "So, is that why you wanted me to come? To let me know the puppy was okay?"  
  
She was silent again. "..."  
  
I looked at her for a moment, waiting for her to answer... She didn't. I bit my lip. "Maybe... I should go?" I gestured back in the direction I had come.  
  
"No." She stopped me, "You don't have to go." She said comfortingly ... and softly, calmly... The tone she'd used when telling me about the dogs.  
  
I gave her a half smile, she slid down the cave wall and sat down, gesturing for me to do the same. I sat down beside her as she had beckoned. "I invited you here..." She started, "Because you cared for the wolves." She smiled to me, " -- But I'm surprised ... you can handle them so well..."  
  
I blushed inwardly, even though my face was already slightly blushed from the cold, "Thank you... -- I mean, I never really got a chance to interact with them before... So, thank you for giving me the opportunity."  
  
"You are a natural with them. Did you ... have lots of pets in your life...?" She inquired.  
  
"Well ... not actually... I couldn't have dogs at home as a kid. My dad was allergic to them... My mother used to keep cats, but when she died we never got another one..." I sighed, "So, it's basically me and my goldfish." I smiled slightly.  
  
"Hmm..." She purred, "Amazing. They don't normally like people, at least people that get so close."  
  
I chuckled, "You talk like you've been here with them forever. -- But you just came with all of those Unit Special Forces guys, huh?"  
  
She nodded, "Yes... I'm a member of Fox-Hound."  
  
"Oh, them again. Maybe you can tell me... What are you guys here for, anyway?"  
  
She didn't respond. She seemed to have a habit of doing that.  
  
"Well, then, how do you know the wolves so well?" I asked, deciding to change the subject again.  
  
"I know all wolves." She answered shortly.  
  
"Well," I started, trying to move the contestation along, "What was that gun you used the other day? The Sniper Rifle... Where did you learn to shoot like that?"  
  
She didn't respond.  
  
"Gee, for someone who calls herself 'Wolf' you sure converse a lot like my goldfish." I said, half-jokingly.  
  
She chuckled darkly, then continued almost solemnly. "Very well. I learned to shoot like that when I was young. I was taught by a Gurkha sniper from Nepal and was found by Fox-Hound." She was _obviously_ leaving details out...  
  
"Why did you become a Sniper..?"  
  
She focused her attention to the dim light above our heads, "I grew up in war... Once I'd lost my family... I didn't see anywhere else to turn."  
  
"Oh -- Jeeze...-- I'm ... so sorry..." I uttered, not quite knowing what to do, "I'm sorry I brought it up. We can talk about something else."  
  
She glanced over at me. I blushed and looked down at my hands in my lap self consciously. "It's getting kinda cold..." I mumbled, the light flickered and dimmed considerably, "Would you like to ... maybe ... go get somethin' to eat at the mess hall?"  
  
She stood and smiled at me, lowering her hand to help me up. "All right."  
  
I looked up, timidly, then took her outstretched hand as we made our way out of the cave.  
  
On the rather long walk to the mess hall I told Sniper Wolf about my experiences with the wolves in the past, how I had volunteered to look after them from time to time, how the head cook here was nice enough to save them scraps if she ever needed to feed them ... stuff like that.  
  
She, in turn, gave me various facts about the wolf-dogs living on Shadow Moses, as well as wolves in general. It amazed me how much she knew about them. What really got me was that she seemed to know how to say "Wolf" in every language that ever existed!  
  
Finally, a real conversation. Not a one sided conversation with gold fish, not a tense and awkward conversation with coworkers. A real conversation!  
  
Of course, whenever I asked her about herself she became quiet. Sometimes she would answer my question after a moment, though... But most of the time, she would just ignored me, waiting for me to say something else... I guess that was okay... I didn't want to pursue if it would make her uncomfortable, I didn't want her to stop talking to me...  
  
When we got to the mess hall I got a hamburger ... she didn't really eat anything. But she did grab an apple after I asked her, for the fifth time, "Are you sure you're not hungry?"  
  
"Do you want to...?" I started, as I finished my food.  
  
She cocked her head, "What?"  
  
"N-nothing... Maybe I should let you go, huh? ... You probably have things to do...?" I sighed self consciously.  
  
"No. Not today. My boss, and some of the other Fox-Hound members, they are working. I'm not needed ... yet. I'm free today. What did you want?"  
  
"Well ... uh..." I blushed, looking down at the table as I spoke, and lowering my voice considerably, "Just.... kinda wondering, if maybe ... you wanted to ... I dunno, maybe come to my dorm, or something.... -- see my fish.... maybe?" I stammered.  
  
She smiled, comfortingly, "All right. I would like that."  
  
"Oh, well, ya know ... that's all right..." I sighed, "I'll see you, then -- _What_?" I exclaimed, suddenly, realizing what she had said.  
  
"I would like that." She smiled. I nodded and lead her silently out the door and across the snow to the dorms.  
  
"Well ... this is ... my room... I, ah -- live here?" I smiled hopefully, letting her in. She looked around, entering slowly, and examining the room. I watched her quietly, she seemed so out of place there. Like a snowball in the desert, she just didn't fit in with the surroundings. She belonged in the cave with her wolves with the eerie lights and the mysterious shadows ... and for a moment I lamented inviting her here for that reason alone... She seemed uncomfortable and out of place.  
  
"You don't want to be here, do you?" I said, almost insistingly.  
  
She looked over to me, "I'm fine." She assured me.  
  
I nodded slowly, "Well, ah -- you introduced me to your wolves ... so..." I gestured for her to follow me to my room, "I want you to ... meet my fish!" I smiled, as I showed her over to the fishbowl on my night stand.  
  
She leaned down to look in the bowl, and nodded.  
  
"I know... heh -- not very interesting... But ... they've always kinda kept me company. They're my family..." I gave her a half-smile.  
  
She smiled back to me as she stood back up and faced me. "Do they have names?"  
  
"The fish?" I asked dumbly, "Oh, yeah!" I nodded, pointing each one, "That one there is Rei. That silver one is Yuri.... the big gold one is Kingyo... That's Rick Hunter... heheh. And that little one is... er... Em-Chan..."  
  
"How did you think of those names?" She asked.  
  
"Well, uh... They're mostly Japanese names." I explained, "I got them from Animes and things..."  
  
"Animes?" She questioned.  
  
"Yeah." I said, pointing to my poster covered wall. "Cartoons, like those... I mentioned them before. How I got my nick name?"  
  
"Oh..." She nodded, "I've never seen those."  
  
"Well. That's okay."  
  
She nodded, blankly, looking over my wall for a long moment before she spoke, "They all look the same..."  
  
"Doof!" I bonked myself in the head in mock exasperation, "Anyway, Rei, Yuri, and Rick are all Anime characters. And _Kingo_ is just 'goldfish' in Japanese." I fixed my glasses, chuckling.  
  
"And 'Em-Chan'?" She asked, looking back to the bowl.  
  
"Well... She's... kinda named after ... someone I used to know..." I mumbled, sitting down on my bed.  
  
"Who?" She inquired, conversationally.  
  
I paled for a moment, "I -- ah -- I'd rather not ... talk about it... -- it was -- she... I ... I don't think I should, er..."  
  
She nodded, "That's all right."  
  
I looked up at her standing there, for minute before I realized I was being rude. "Oh! Ah, do ya wanna sit down?" I smiled, motioning to a spot on my unmade bed.  
  
She complied, sitting down, with a thank you nod. I sat there feeling very awkward, I looked away for a moment, blushing. "Why ... are you being so nice to me..? I mean... When I first met you ... you were being very... -- I dunno, I don't wanna sound rude -- closed off...? And now I'm talking to you and everything..." I attempted to complete my thoughts, but it wasn't coming out very well.  
  
"Because, you reminded me ... of the dogs..." She stated.  
  
I looked to her in surprise, lifting my hand to adjust my glasses, "I do??"  
  
"Yes..." She answered, but didn't elaborate.  
  
"I don't know if that's good or bad, really." I chuckled, "But, thanks!"  
  
Silence again. Wolf didn't respond. My fish didn't either.  
  
They never do.  
  
"Thank you, again. For ... keeping me company." I said softly, looking absently to the fish bowl. "I haven't really had a real conversation with anyone since I left home..." I paused, "And that was a long time ago."  
  
She nodded, "Neither have I... Though, I have never pursued one."  
  
"Don't you get lonely?" I blinked.  
  
"I have the wolves." She answered calmly.  
  
"I ... I guess..." I agreed, "But ... why...-- You said they're nicer than most people you know... -- Well, what -- what must have happened to you ... to make you think that?"  
  
She was silent. "Not all people are that bad..." I continued, forcing myself to look her in the eyes, she stared right back into mine ... piercing. Every moment of silence was a moment of suffering. I wanted to be able to help her, maybe if she would just tell me more about herself... Maybe she wouldn't feel that way, maybe if she could see that I cared...  
  
She looked away from me, when she finally spoke. "People ... ignore what they do not like. They care for nothing but themselves. They follow their preconstructed rules and ideas, with no compassion for others." She said coldly. The same tone she'd used referring to the soldiers the day before, then continued, "Wolves are not like that. They travel in packs, they're untamed, individuals ... yet ... they still manage to remain faithful to each other."  
  
"People can be like that too..." I uttered softly.  
  
She sighed sadly for a moment, "You are different, I suppose. People in the past ... they have caused me only pain."  
  
"I'm sorry... I -- I didn't mean to upset you..." She was silent. I couldn't decide what to say. I'd tread where I probably shouldn't have, and I'd upset her... "Please don't be upset. I'm sorry I brought it up."  
  
"You wanted to know about my past." She stated, "Now you know. My family and friends were killed in the war that raged around us and the governments ignored it. But I'm away from that now. So don't feel like you've upset me." She was still upset. I knew an upset person when I saw one. She didn't like to think about her past, that was obvious... I knew what that was like and I'd recognized it immediately. It was then that I made up my mind to comfort her, as I would want to be if I had been the one coerced into explaining the life I'd left behind.  
  
"Wh-when I was upset...-- before I left home...-- M-my..." I swallowed hard, "My sister and I would sing each other a song... A lullaby... Er, and if she was upset, I sang it to her..."  
  
She looked over at me, questioningly.  
  
"W-would you like to hear it?"  
  
"All ... right..." She said slowly.  
  
I took a deep breath, "I-- I don't sing very well... I want you to know... But... I want you to hear this. I know I just met you, but ... you already mean a lot to me..." I forced my thoughts out into the open. I needed to show her I was thankful for everything she'd done in this short time. "My life has been getting kinda ... lonely lately ... and, well ... meeting you has been nice ... and I'd like to keep seeing you..."  
  
She nodded, but she did not smile, or even smirk... She just looked at me ... sadly, then gave me another short nod: an indication to continue...  
  
"Er..." I looked over at her, "The lullaby ... it starts like this..." I began.   
  


"Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes...  
And save these questions for another day...  
I think I know what you've been asking me...  
I think you know what I've been trying to say."  


  
I sang on key... I was sure of that ... but as for possessing any real quality to my voice, any beauty, any knowledge of the actual art... I had none. I just sang. But it didn't make any difference what my voice sounded like.  
  
Only my sister and I would hear it.  
  
It was_ all _we would hear... -- How could we listen to anything else?  
  
When fighting, and shouting, and name calling goes on as long as it does in this house... There's really nothing to do but ignore it. Hope it goes away, hope it stops... Wait for the heart wrenching moment when the door slams, the house shakes ... and then ... falls silent again. Silent if it's my father who has stormed out, anyway. ...If not, crying.  
  
Whenever an argument would start I would silently pray that my dad would leave first ... so I didn't have to listen to him cry.  
  
"Why did you stop...?" My sister questioned.  
  
I hadn't realized that I had stopped singing until she'd spoken up...  
  
"You weren't ... listening_,_ were you?" She sniffled.  
  
"No... No, I wasn't listening." I comforted her, "I was just thinking..."  
  
"About what...?" She asked, looking up to me as we lay silently on my bed, she had her head rested on my chest, presumably listening to my heart beat. Ever since we'd met she'd liked to do that.  
  
"Oh, nothing... I just... I hope it stops soon." I sighed.  
  
"Me too..." E.E., my sister, whimpered, as a particularly loud shout from my father echoed through the house.  
  
"Well, _are _you?!" A fragment of the fight reached our ears, there was no helping that.  
  
"No! No -- I'm not! But it wouldn't be that bad an idea!! _You're_ never home!! At least if there _was_ someone else I wouldn't feel so goddamn lonely!" The response from my step mom was twice as loud...  
  
I couldn't listen to any more. I could only try and finish the song. For E.E., as well as for myself. Maybe she would fall asleep again, then at least I wouldn't have to worry about her hearing the fighting.  
  
E.E... she had to concentrate in order to ignore the world around her, that was why she would listen to my heart beat... I, on the other hand, could tune it out. ... All I had to do was pretend I wasn't there. It's easier than it sounds...  
  
"Finish the song..." She begged.  
  
"All right..." I nodded, sadly as the slamming of the door echoed around me, shaking the walls.  
  


"I promised I would never leave you...  
And you should always know...  
Wherever you may go,  
No matter where you are..  
I never will be far away..."  
  


I had hardly finished the verse before I heard crying ... soft crying, far away... But I knew it well. I blinked for a moment and reached down to comfort Emma ... but she was gone.  
  
"E.E.?" I blurted, sitting up to look around. My room was cast in shadows. Empty. I glanced out my window, it was dark out. "...Emma...?"  
  
I flicked on my light in a daze, as I slowly realized that I was in my dorm, not in my bedroom with Emma. Outside the window was Shadow Moses' endless expanse of snow, not a swimming pool and a patio.  
  
It hadn't been my father crying softly in the living room...  
  
...It had been _me_...  
  
I reached up slowly, running my hands across my tear stained face and through my messy hair. I took a deep, labored breath, allowing the events that had taken place earlier to slowly come back to me...  
  
Before I'd finished the first four lines of the song Sniper Wolf had stood abruptly, placed her finger to her ear, and taken a CODEC call. I couldn't remember how long that had lasted, or what excuse or words of apology she had given to me on the way out...  
  
I could only vaguely recall that she'd said something about her boss needing to talk to her, and then leaving. I had nodded vacantly, but I hadn't been paying much attention.  
  
I'd already been lost in my memories.  
  
I glanced to my clock. 9:54 PM... I'd been laying there for hours... I hadn't been sleeping... I'd just been stuck in a sort of a reverie.  
  
That scared me. It scared me that it had taken me time to realize where I was, and what was going on. It scared me that I'd been lost in memories to the point of near hallucination...  
  
Before I realized what I was doing I had grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil from my night stand drawer and scribbled across the top in my messy print....  
  


"Dear Emma,"  
  


I looked at the paper blankly for a moment, before abruptly crumpling it into a tiny ball and tossing it over at my waste paper basket. I missed.  
  
"_Damn_, bad aim!" I cursed, standing and striding over to the basket to violently shove the paper in. I sniffled as a sob escaped my throat and tears began to run down my face once more.  
  
I slowly slumped to the floor, my brief flurry of anger gone... I was left with my tears now. I stood slowly, kicked off my shoes, and flopped down on my bed again. I let out a long sigh. It felt good, calming... Slowly my tears stopped.  
  
What had I been thinking? I couldn't write to Emma... Not after what I'd done to her. All I could do _now_ was ... think about her...  
  
I stared blankly at my shadowy textured ceiling as a montage of images of my sister flashed through my head. I whimpered, but did nothing to calm my mind. I just let my memories flow...  
  
Her smile. Her laugh. Her tears. Her hugs. Her games. Her ever present intelligence. The way she would tilt her head to the side when she knew she looked cute... Her love... She was unlike any little girl in the world, and unlike any other person I had ever known... She had been my only family, my only sister. She had been my angel...  
  
But I'd lost all that... The sun had set on that time, before I'd even realized what had happened... Just as it had done today. Daylight disappeared around me, and I didn't even notice until it was gone...  
  
It was dark now...  
  
...Night time... It was time to say goodnight...  
  
_Goodnight, _ I thought sadly, _Goodnight, My Angel....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_NOTES:__ Wow. That was a LOOOONG chapter. I had to go back and delete some stuff because the txt file got completely full!! So... Yeah. I hope I wrote Wolf all right. She's hard. Err... Review....  
Oh, I remembered what else I was gonna say. I was a little wary to include that song ... but then I figured. HEY! This is my story! I can do what I like. So, yeah, give credit where it's Due. The Song is "Lullaby" and it's by my one-man musical hero: Billy Joel. But in the story I am referring to it not as a pop song written in 1993.... Buuuut, as a simple lullaby that has been around for generations... One that Hal and Emma shared. ^_^; In the reality of my Story the song has been around for 500 years, or something like that. Heheh. ^-~ I picked this song because if ever any song were MY song ... this song would be it... I include it often in various types of art. ;D It really means a lot to me, and I hope to spread the word of "Goodnight, My Angel" ^_~  
  
Oh, and by the way. I HATE to have to say this... But please. If someone, perchance, FLAMES me, etc. etc... Please, do not decide to Show them what for. I don't need to be defended from morons. Morons are meant to be ignored, not yelled at. It only makes them yell back. I want a peaceful, happy existence. Kay?  



	5. akumu

Err... Hi. It's the author. Look, as much as I hate going over PG-13 in my writing... I can't in good conscience say that this chapter is of PG-13 quality. **I'm giving this chapter a rating of _R_**. You have been warned... I don't want to get in any trouble or offend anyone.. The chapter gets a bit suggestive, to say the least. So reader beware.  
  


**  
"Shadows"**  
_  
By: Otaku Tess  
_  
  
  
**CHAPTER FIVE  
akumu   
**  
  


  
  
The first thing I clearly remember about the day was being in my lab with other hapless employees running tests on Supercomputers for the eventual live testing of Metal Gear. I had a splitting headache and the break room was out of coffee. This was going to be a long day...  
  
I typed out the instructions by rote. I'd done everything so many times before. I knew everything by heart. I could nearly predict the out comes of each test. I knew REX like the back of my hand. The true challenge would come when we got to the _real _test.  
  
That would be happening soon.  
  
Baker told us this morning that this would be the last set of virtual tests before we got to the real thing. --Well, Baker didn't tell us _personally_. But a member of Fox-Hound had come in to relay the message. I hadn't even looked up. But I'd half-listened to him speak ... and only recalled he had a voice that could charitably be called _raspy_... And he had change in his pocket, or_ something,_ because he made a kind of a racket when he walked in and out. Like he was wearing spurs, maybe...  
  
I chuckled at this thought and briefly wished I'd taken a look at him. --What was with this "Fox Hound"...?  
  
First Sniper Wolf, now a guy wearing spurs? They seemed a little strange to me.  
  
Like something from an anime, written by some weird Japanese guy.  
  
I chuckled again, but paused as my mind wandered back to Sniper Wolf. -- I tapped mechanically across the keyboard. Everything as it should be. -- I had heard from Wolf early this morning, I only vaguely remembered the conversation. I'd been very tired. I hadn't slept well... Plus I'd developed a migraine shortly after I'd gotten out of bed... Not fun.  
  
Wolf had informed me that I should go head down to the lab myself, unless I wanted her boss' wake up call. I didn't know what that would be, but it sounded bad, so I got up and headed out.  
  
So I ate breakfast and headed to the lab and got to work. I'd been there for about a half an hour when some of my coworkers started arriving (all in all probably only 20 to 30 scientists were still hanging around the island. Baker had allowed most people to go home. Apparently Fox-Hound would be able to do a great deal of the work for the launch.)   
  
Within an hour all the scientists who were still on the island were shuffling about various areas of the lab, and I was constantly being asked questions, most of which I answered without having to give much thought.  
  
Elise had sat down at the computer next to me and appeared to be one of the guys to suffer a "wake up call..."  
  
"Rudest jerk I've ever met in my life..." He would mumble to himself from time to time, as he too went through the same obligatory tasks I did via supercomputers.  
  
  
And the drudgery of the day went on like that... Occasionally one of those uniformed guards would come in with a message from Baker or a Fox-Hound Member... Telling us to test something again, or to send someone down to the Underground maintenance Base, where Metal Gear was stored, to work on something for the physical test.  
  
At one point a Fox-Hound Member, a very bland looking guy, came in asking about the stealth-cammoflauge suits that our department had been working on as a side project. I hadn't really worked on them, as I was needed mostly for Metal Gear... But they really were amazing things.  
  
From what I knew of the suits, they were supposed to project objects behind you onto the front of the suit and vise versa. I'd seen them used a few times, and they really did make people nigh-invisible.  
  
The Everyman Fox-Hound member had asked if Fox-Hound could possibly use the suits. But after having a brief CODEC conversation with his ever elusive Boss, said that Fox-Hound wouldn't be needing the Cammo after all.  
  
Shortly after the Cammo-Incident, Bland Fox-Hound member returned and asked me to report to the Underground maintenance Base, and I'd been quite honest when I'd told him that I had a headache the size of Tokyo ... so I sent Dr. Elise instead. Much to his annoyance.  
  
Maybe it was a little mean of me. I mean, I knew he didn't want to go, but I could justify it in that he was the most used to working with the real deal. I'd told him he "would be more use in the maintenance Base than in the lab anyway." This didn't seem to help much because he glared icicles at me as he left and I couldn't help feeling a little guilty.  
  
The day seemed to drag on like that. We worked rigorously for hours. Baker had apparently insisted that we be ready to launch as soon as possible. However, by 5:00 most of the scientists had been dismissed. But... Some of us had been asked to stay, and I was the last to be allowed to leave.  
  
I must have worked 2 and a half hours longer than I normally do. And with a headache that refuses to go away, 2 and a half hours feels like 2 and a half days... So I was naturally extremely happy when I'd received a message, via soldier, from Baker that I was done for the day...   
  
By that time I was positively exhausted. My eyes ached from starring at a computer screen all day, and almost refused to stay opened as I made my way outside. I found myself constantly removing my glasses to polish them on my sleeve... Until I realized that it wasn't my glasses, but my eyes, that were blurred.  
My muscles ached and my joints cracked with each movement I made ... and it's been a long time since I'd felt a shock like the one I felt when I stepped out into the cold that night. Every step closer to my dorm was a battle...  
  
"Hey, Emmerich." I heard a voice call me once I was about half way to the dorms. I slowly turned. Snow was falling around me obscuring my vision further. But I recognized the voice.  
  
Dr. Harry Elise. "Wait a second.." He called again, as he approached me picking up his pace briefly to catch up with me. "Woah. You don't look too good." He pointed out.  
  
I blinked at him. "I'll be fine. If I can make it home." I mumbled.  
  
"Yeah. Been a long day." He sighed, as we both headed towards the dorms.  
  
"Uh-huh...." I nearly groaned. _What, did he want to insult me again...?_  
  
"So, I guess ya got back at me, huh?" He commented, conversationally.  
  
"Wha...?" I asked vaguely as I trudged beside him through the snow.  
  
"Sending me to the maintenance Base. I know you did that to get back at me for that low blow the other day."  
  
"No...!" I sighed, "Well, maybe ... a little. -- I'm really sorry. I should have gone. I felt really bad about that." I apologized.  
  
"Hey, I deserved it." He said defensively. "I ... stopped you just now because I wanted to apologize. I've never been exactly nice to you. Maybe we don't have a lot in common. But I don't have to be ... so ... _mean _to you." He struggled. He didn't want to apologize to me. But he meant it. I could tell he meant it, even though it was very hard for him.  
  
I smiled, turning to him slightly, as we neared the dorms, "Thank you."  
  
"Yeah, Myra talked to me about it before she left. She felt pretty bad about it. Worse than I felt. She wanted to apologize, too... And ... she says 'Happy Birthday'." He gave me a half smile.  
  
I smiled brighter this time as I entered the dorm and we both headed down the hall, pausing at his dorm, "Thank you. That ... means a lot to me."  
  
"Don't get the wrong idea. I don't wanna take you to lunch or anything. Neither does she." He assured me, "But... Even I know when I've made a mistake. So." He finished, shutting the door, "See ya."  
  
"... See ya..." I uttered, dragging myself down the hall, smiling pretty brightly, considering how tired I was.  
  
Once I was inside I kicked off my shoes, stumbled down the hall and fell into bed.  
  
And I finally fell asleep that day, just like everyone else.  
  
  
_... Just like everyone else, aren't you? Hmm... So many people. All of them the same. All of them! You're no different..._  
  


A whisper.  


  
What are you talking about?  
  
_You know what I'm talking about._  
  


Eyes locked with mine.  
I turned away.  


  
No... No I don't!  
  
_Very well. Shall I take you back then?_  
  
Take me ... back?  


  
Fingers ran across my skin.  
And I turned again, face to face.  
I shuddered.  


  
_Do you remember now? -- No? Do you need more?_  
  


Heat.  
The warmth of a body close to mine.  
Pressed against my abdomen.  
I am powerless....  


  
No...  
  


A hand down my back.  
Smooth.  
Soft palms caressing my flesh.  
There was no way to stop it.  
Goosebumps.  


_  
Ah... I knew you would remember._  
  


Her.  
I tried to forget her.  
But she wouldn't go away.  
Not then.  
Not now.  
She was persistent!  


_  
Excuses. Don't give me excuses._  
  
... I'm not! Please ... believe me...  
  


I fell onto the bed.  
Sheets of linen.  
Caressed by cloth.  
Caressed by hands.  
Arousal comes easily...  
Her touch is enough.  
....I wish....  


  
I wish it weren't....  


  
Sweat.  
Perspiration drenches the sheets.  
Drenches my body.  
Drenches hers.  
Pleasure.  
...Anxiety...  


  
_Filthy... Filthy Desire...._  
  
No! It's not like that... I wasn't thinking of that. I - I was thinking of....  
  


Emma.  
I'm sorry...  
It's my fault.  
I wasn't there for you...  
When you needed me...  


  
  
_...Then ... why?_  
  


Kisses.  
Lips caress me.  
And all I can think about is...  
My sister...?  


  
E.E...  
_  
Excuses._  
  


Breathing slows.  
Panting...  
We tire...  


  
I - I had to. She..... She threatened me, seduced me. I - I didn't want to.  
  
_Excuses._  
  
...No...!  
  
_No? Tell that to her..._  
  


Eyes lock with mine.  
I turn away.  


  
...  
  


No excuses now, I see....  


  


A whisper.  


  


  
"Hal...? Are you okay?"   
  
I nod. "I'm fine, E.E... I just... I wish...."  
  
"You wish what, Hal?"  
  
"...N-nothing...  
...E.E.?"  
  
"...Hal...?"  
  
" -- I love you."  
  


  
_So much for your excuses._  
_  
Deal with it.... This is your nightmare..._  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**NOTES:** _Haha! What the hell was that? I don't know! I'm gonna leave you hanging! MUAHAHAHA! I'm eeeviiiil..... ^_~  
I apologize to anyone who might have been a little disturbed by that, but it was in my mind to do for a while now.... Yeaah, this is a prime example of me wanting to use visuals rather than words. XD That would have been better on film!  
meh....  
  
  
_Hi again, fellow readers/writers. I'm uploading this here now.... in order to leave ya'll with a little announcement. I will be putting a moratorium on fic writing until around the middle of June. School is becoming too much... But I promise you all, I WILL FINISH THIS, WHETHER YOU PEOPLE ARE READING THIS OR NOT. I will have a lot of time this summer for finishing my stuffers. ^_^ But right now, I just need to devote my time to other things. So I leave you with THIS until June.  
**Otaku Out...  
**PS As for other ongoing things (DLoSaO mainly).... We might update from time to time before June, but I can't promise anything. So consider me inactive until the good ol' summer starts.


	6. kuragari

  
**"Shadows"**  
  
_By: Otaku Tess_  
  
  
**  
CHAPTER SIX**  
**kuragari**  
  


  
  
  
Darkness....  
  
Hazy....  
  
I sat bolt upright in my bed. I heard a scream tear from my throat. My body tensed... But I could not feel it. I could only watch in terror... I could only watch.... from outside my body....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Then I was awake...!  
  
I ran a hand across my sweat soaked face and paused to catch my breath. "What in the--" I gasped to myself, as I lifted my hand to my ear without really thinking.  
  
My CODEC beeped. I waited for a response. She'd left her CODEC on, but was taking some time in answering it.  
  
"Yes...?" Came her voice at last.  
  
"Wolf..." I gasped.  
  
"Otacon?" She questioned, "What are you doing?"  
  
"I... I don't know... I... I-- ah..." I stammered. What was I doing? "I don't know... I just woke up. I'm sorry if I bothered you..."  
  
"It's almost 3:00..." She pointed out, "What are you doing?"  
  
"I don't know..." I repeated.  
  
"I'm busy." She insisted.  
  
"I ... I had this -- this dream..." I forced myself to continue, "I'm sorry I called you... But... I can't get back to sleep. I needed to talk to someone..."  
  
There was a long silence.  
  
"Wolf...?"  
  
"What ... was this dream like?" She asked after a moment.  
  
I swallowed, "It was ... unlike anything I've ever had... I know that..." I began to explain, "Someone ... was talking to me, I would flashback to things.... I-it told me I was just like everyone else--... i-it wouldn't--"  
  
"What?" She thankfully interrupted me, I didn't particularly want to continue, "Did you feel like you were watching yourself from outside of your body?"  
  
"H-how did you know....." I gasped, in awe.  
  
"Mantis..." She growled, "Try not to worry about it." She continued, soothingly, "It won't happen again. I'm glad you told me. I will ... take care of this."  
  
"Take care of this...?" I blurted, in utter confusion, "What are you talking about? What's--"  
  
"I will contact you later." She interrupted, as she disconnected.  
  
"...Going on...?" I finished, letting out a sigh. "So much for getting 8 hours of sleep..." I grumbled, my whole body was still screaming for sleep, but my mind just couldn't sit still...   
  
I tried to get back to sleep, anyway, but all I could really manage was laying there with my eyes closed as my mind wandered in all possible directions.  
  
What had Wolf been talking about? She had acted as though something had caused my dream ... like a person. What had she said? "Mantis..." It didn't make sense...  
  
"Ravens, Sniper Wolf, Spurs... Nightmares ... mantises.... What's going on on this island?" I sighed to myself, turning over onto my side.  
  
Huh... She probably was just looking for an excuse to get rid of me. My stomach tightened at that thought and so I shook it off.  
  
Maybe it was something I ate? Food poisoning or something. That might explain how Wolf had seemed to know what it was that had caused my bad dream. Yes, that must have been it.  
  
Maybe something the rats dragged in...?  
  
Blech.... That's a disgusting thought. I shuddered slightly.  
  
Well, whatever it was, Wolf had seemed concerned. And that was really a comforting thought, considering how terrible that nightmare had left me feeling.  
  
Yet, despite the logical assumption that it had been something I'd ate.... I couldn't help but feel ... violated. ... Something about that dream was almost ... inhuman. I couldn't shake the feeling that whatever induced that dream ... now ... knew me. It knew my past... It knew my feelings.... Part of that dream was definitely not me. Not even my subconscious mind. Something knew my thoughts.... Something knew my excuses...  
  
It knew about her. It knew about Julie. My stepmother.  
  
I didn't want to think about her -- Julie. I had ignored the thoughts for so long... But the dream had provoked in me the memories which were even now streaming through my head.  
  
Julie...  
  
"I ... love you...." I uttered, starring to my bedroom's textured ceiling. The bumps and indentations created patterns and shapes in the darkness.  
  
"Go to sleep." Was the groggy response from beside me.  
  
"Julie.... I can't sleep." I shut my eyes. The patterns remained plastered on my eyelids.  
  
"Why not?" Julie questioned. "I'd think you'd be tired..." She purred slyly, turning her head slightly to look at me.  
  
I turned away from her, rolling onto my side. I pulled my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around myself, tightly, as I reverted to the fetal position... I pulled my naked body into a tight ball ... but I could never get it small enough. All I wanted to do was disappear, squeeze myself so small that I just vanished. Then I wouldn't have to think about this, I wouldn't have to live this... I'd be gone. Darkness.  
  
While it was happening... I could disappear. I could imagine I was someplace else. I could pretend I wasn't there. Then it would all be okay. My body would be doing what it was supposed to and my mind would go somewhere else.... It was easy enough. She would lead...  
  
I was her toy... She could do what she wanted with me ... all I had to do was comply. It got to be mechanical. She kissed me, I kissed back. She touched me, my hands moved to her. And through it all, my mind would be somewhere else...  
  
Sometimes I would think of a place I'd seen in my dreams. It was typical dreamscape. Grassy fields, trees, blue sky... I would go there sometimes, when I wanted to disappear ... other times I would think of my mother, my real mother... I remembered her only vaguely... She too, was like a dream ... almost as hazy and perfect as my dreamscape... Then, occasionally, I would go nowhere at all. My mind would blank completely ... that was always the easiest. Disappearing into the dark....  
  
Most often, however... I thought of Emma. I would think of something she'd done that day. Something she'd said. Some game we had played. It was all I could really do to keep my mind off of what I was doing.  
  
Not to say that the feel of it was not enjoyable... I knew that it was, I was never fully gone. My body knew what it was feeling. Ecstasy is the only word for it. But, despite that, I couldn't help but feel the very action was ... wrong, somehow...   
  
Yet, maybe that was why I never fully dedicated myself to stopping all of this... I could never be completely sure what I was thinking during these times. Everything was an unintelligible swirl of emotions, feelings, thoughts, feelings, questions and more feelings... I never quite knew what to do or think. It was easier to just not be there. To mentally leave myself...  
  
One of the reasons this felt so wrong to me, one reason that I am absolutely sure of, anyway ... was the fact that I had always imagined I would meet someone special, and we could take this step together. But instead it was forced on me.... I knew shouldn't have allowed her to take me so easily... But she was too over powering... And as long as I could go somewhere else...--  
  
Yet, despite all that... I still loved her. Or at least I assured myself I did. At least if I loved her what we did ... would be okay...  
  
"He knows, you know...." I said, after a long silence.  
  
"No, he doesn't." She yawned, dismissively.  
  
"Maybe you're right.... But ... he's been upset lately. More than usual..."  
  
"Don't worry about it." She yawned, "He's always like that. It's how he is."  
  
"He's my dad. I've... known him longer than you... I can tell when something's wrong."  
  
"So? He's my husband." She laughed, it was sharp, almost cruel... "You think I don't know him well enough? Trust me ... he doesn't know a thing..."  
  
She seemed so confident, so complacent. I wish I could have been. She didn't know my father. She didn't know how he'd been when he lost my mother... If she knew him half as well as she thought she did she would have realized he knew about us, about what we were doing ... and had known for a while now.  
  
"This is destroying the family...." I mumbled after another silence.  
  
She remained silent for a moment before speaking, "No it's not."  
  
"How can you say that..." I whimpered.  
  
"This family was destroyed long ago. This family was destroyed before I got here, I'll tell you that. I don't mean to be harsh, but isn't that painfully obvious to you?" She laughed again.  
  
I inadvertently slid my shoulders closer to my ears in an attempt to block out her piercing laugh. "You don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Oh, come on. You're father's a workaholic. He never had time for you, and you know it. You can't tell me you ever felt like you had a real family. My GOD, he missed you're graduation. Are you too naive to realize how that man behaves? This is his fault. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you blame this on us." She grumbled, sitting up to lean against the wall. I remained curled in the fetal position. She sighed and reached over me to take a cigarette out of her box that sat on my night stand.  
  
"Please don't smoke in my room." I sighed.  
  
"Oh, it's not gonna hurt anything." She snorted, lighting it. "You really need to relax." There was a long pause, "Why do you do that, anyway?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"You curl into a ball like that. I wish you wouldn't. It makes me uncomfortable." She sighed, as the hazy noxious smoke of her cigarette began to fill my nostrils.  
  
"You keep you're smoke and I'll keep my ball...." I mumbled, squeezing myself into a tighter lump.  
  
"Feh... fine... What do I care..." She snorted.  
  
"If ... you hate my father so much ... why did you marry him?" I asked, almost immediately after she'd finished her comment.  
  
"I never said I hated him." She stated. There was a long silence.  
  
"But ... do you ... love him?" I asked at last, realizing she wasn't going to elaborate.  
  
"Once I did." She sighed. "I loved him. Then I saw what he was ... and ... when I finally told him what I saw ... it caused nothing but fighting. Pain... -- But that's over now."  
  
"Then ... why don't you leave him?" I grumbled.  
  
She paused for a long time, deep in thought. Her cigarette momentarily forgotten for a minute or two. Then at last she returned it to her lips, took in a deep breath and laughed that piercing laugh again, "Because -- Now I have you."  
  
"Then ... Do you ... love me?" I ventured after a pause.  
  
She didn't respond. She never does.  
  
"Because... I love you..." I muttered, rolling out of my ball, and over to her. I wrapped an arm around her waist, leaning against her. She moved a hand to rub my back in an attempt to be comforting.  
  
"I know..." She sighed as a plume of smoke escaped her lips ... but that was all she offered me. "I know..."  
  
I sighed, sitting up again... "5:00..." I mumbled looking to my clock... Shoving my thoughts out of my head. "Might as well head down to the labs..." I grumbled, getting out of bed. I took my time getting dressed and heading out for breakfast.  
  
I was the first one in the lab again, and the day moved on much like it had the day before, for a few hours, anyway... At about 3:30 everyone who had showed up was sent out.  
  
Our messenger said we would be called individually if we were needed... So at 3:35 I headed back to my room, already dreadfully tired. I went to bed almost as soon as I got into my bedroom.  
  
I was asleep...   
  
"Otacon!" A voice slowly made its way to me, "Wake up, Emmerich! Otacon, get up!"  
  
"Huhn?" I questioned, groggily, sitting up in my bed. "What's going on-- Wolf?" I exclaimed in surprise and happiness. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Shut up." She snapped, "Be quiet, and you'll be all right." She added, somewhat apologetically.  
  
"What's going on~~?" I asked again, as she pulled me out of bed.  
  
"I said quiet." She repeated, giving me a look that could freeze water.  
  
I shut my mouth. She led me into the hall. Several uniformed guards were there.  
  
"Is he the one the Boss wanted?" One of them asked.  
  
"Yes. Dr. Hal Emmerich. He's the only one we need from here-on-out. Everyone else is expendable." She smirked slightly.  
  
"Wolf...?" I uttered softly, "What's happening? Is everything all right?"  
  
She looked to me sadly for a moment. "We need you..." She started, "Please, just do as you're asked." She sighed, as a guard stepped up behind me and cloth slipped in front of my nose.  
  
"What's... going ... on....?" I slowly faded out, Wolf's startled and angry features floating in and out of my vision as she growled something I couldn't quite pick up to the guard. "...Chloro...form? ... Wolf...?"  
  
The world Darkened....  
  
....Darkness....  
  
Blackout.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**NOTES: ** _Yeah, another short one. Kind of a filler chapter. Mostly flash back... The next chapter is when it gets goin'....  
Otacon is mighty messed up in my interpretation. I believe he was pretty much raped, molested, whatever. As least as much raped as a man can be by a woman. I also think he was pretty young when it happened ... this adds to the harm done to him. So, yes, I think he did believe he loved Julie ... but I also think a part of him knew full well he'd been taken advantage of... I would have liked his feelings to have been a little easier to describe ... but I also think that's what makes this human. The fact that he can't say exactly what's going on in his head, let alone why.  
This is how Otacon acts in my head... 9_9 No, I'm not crazy. I'm an actor (Yes, there's a difference.) Before I write for any character I try and develop an entire life for them in my mind. This makes writing for them almost unconscious, if you will. I just give myself over to the character, and he types. No, I'm not crazy.  
But, seriously. He's a person, with his own problems, just like everyone else. Far be it for me to diagnose my own mind... Far be it for me to have him analyze his.  
_  
  
  



	7. einen

"Shadows"  
  
By: Otaku Tess  
  
CHAPTER SEVEN  
  
einen  
  
"Hal!!" The shouts faded in and out of my hazy mind, "Hal! Help! HA~AL!"  
  
It all came back to that... In the end... That was the deciding factor...  
  
"Hal!" It came again, "Hal!"  
  
"E.E...." I tried to call to her. "Emma..." I pulled myself into conciousness and slipped out of the chair I'd been proped in.  
  
I'd been dreaming...  
  
"Ouuww..." I groaned, standing slowly, my body cracked, I looked around. I was in my lab. "Oh..." It only took a few seconds for me to remeber what had happened before I'd passed out.  
  
Without missing a beat I slid my finger to my ear. My CODEC beeped.  
  
I waited, holding my breath, praying silently for a response.  
  
There wasn't one...  
  
"Wolf..." I sighed to myself, walking over to the one exit in the room. I pulled at the door. It didn't open. I took out my security card. That worked, just as I'd assumed it would.  
  
Before I knew what was happening I was stairing down the barrel of a gun. "AHH!" I shouted, throwing my arms in the air. "Don't shoot!"  
  
"Shut up, Doctor." The bearer of the gun snapped. "Go back in you're lab and there won't be any problems."  
  
"Wh-what am I doing here?" I stammered, arms still raised as high as they would go.  
  
"You'll be contacted by CODEC for help on Metal gear. The tests will go on as planned." He responded, "Now. Get back in there." I nodded, stepping back into the lab, the door shut after me.  
  
"Four guards...?" I mummbled to myself.  
  
Something was going on here. This Island had been taken over. That seemed obvious enough. The next logical assuption was that Fox-Hound was behind it. "What's going on here..." I mummbled to myself, returning to the chair I had been sitting in.  
  
I hadn't had time to think about it much before my CODEC beeped. I rushed my hand to my ear.  
  
"Wolf??" I asked, emphatically.  
  
"No. Not Wolf. But close..." A voice that sounded like anyones or no one's smirked through the CODEC. It was the boring looking Fox-Hound member, I was sure of it.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
He sneered... "Nevermind. You're help is needed. You're in for a long night..."  
  
~*~  
  
I was contacted several times early on for help on Metal Gear, which I hesitantly provided. Most often by the Nobody-Man and the Raspy Voiced guy with the spurs I remebered vaugly from before. However, a few times I'd been contacted by a man with a british accent, and occationaly a soldier.  
  
I eventually came to understand that these people, Fox-Hound and all their Soldiers, were terrorists of some kind. But I was kept completly in the dark about what, exactly, they were trying to do. But considering all of the neuclear waste at this place, it couldn't possibly be easily prevented.  
  
The longer I was couped up in that lab the more worried and anxious I became... I really wanted to speak to Sniper Wolf, but could do little more than sit around waiting.   
  
Everytime my CODEC beeped I hoped and prayed that it would be Wolf. Then, I could ask her what was happening, and why I'd ended up locked in here, and what on earth she had to do with it all.  
  
She couldn't possibly be deeply involved in all of this.... could she? Could she have been forced into helping them, as I had?  
  
That MUST have been it. Hadn't she mentioned being scouted out by Fox-Hound? ... Maybe she'd had no choice, maybe they'd made her join...  
  
I sighed to myself, turning on the computer infront of me for the first time all night. I glanced at my watch, sighing.  
  
12:30. I glanced to the computer clock. 12:34 AM. It was past midnight, i'd been locked in here for a long time now. And to make things worse they han't called me in awhile... So now I was not only anxious and scared, but also lonely and bored out of my mind...!  
  
I groaned inwardly, deciding to try contacting Wolf one more time before I resigned myself to an evening of Solitare and Minesweeper.  
  
My CODEC beeped. I held my breath.  
  
No response...  
  
I sighed, and turned to the game I'd opened up on the screen infront of me. Solitare. How appropriate.  
  
I looked over the cards. No visible ace. Redeal. No ace. Deal again. Got it. Ace of diamonds.  
  
I never could play that game if I didn't start with an ace...  
  
Who invinted this game? It's so boring. I'm sitting infront of a computer that's worth more than I am, and I'm playing solitare with it...  
  
I finished the game several minutes later, and chuckled to myself as I placed the last card in it's stack. I watched boredly as the cards bounced across the screen. I'd always liked watching that, granted I was less than enthusiatic about it right now... But normally I enjoyed it. Maybe it was the one reason I'd kept playing it.  
  
Play Again? It asked me, just as the last card finished it's bouncing.  
  
"No thanks." I sighed, clicking it away and opening up Mindsweeper.  
  
Smiles looked at me expectantly as soon as he was on the screen. "Stop stairing at me." I ordered it. He didn't, he just kept grinning at me, waiting for me to make a mistake. I wouldn't make a mistake though. I had all the high scores at this game.  
  
"Childs play!" I murmered, just before I ran into a vexing problem among the mines. I needed to open up some more space. I licked my lips. I had to make a decicion. What box do I click?  
  
"Don't die on me, buddy." I said, eyeing Smiles, who had absolutly no idea his life was in danger.  
  
I slowly clicked down on the mouse, looking hopefully to Smiles. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened, now fully aware that my next move could be his last. I relesed the mouse. No Xs for eyes! No frowny face! Smiles was okay!  
  
"Yes!" I grinned, continuing on. After that it didn't take long for me to see Smiles sporting a pair of sun glasses. I sighed, standing and streaching, now reminded of what was happeining around me.  
  
"Wolf..." I mumbled to myself, pacing a little. Wondering if I should try again. No... She most likely wouldn't respond. Just like all those other times.  
  
What could someone like Sniper Wolf have to do with what was going on here? What was going on here? I still had no clue.  
  
I sighed. Finally, I have a friend and all this has to happen. What? Friend? Was she truely my friend? I hadn't had a friend in such a long time.... Not since Emma. I almost wasn't sure if I would remember what it felt like.  
  
But this was it wasn't it? Two people that have something in common, and can talk to each other... Help each other out... Make each other feel better. She'd certainly done all of those things for me. Did I mean the same to her?  
  
Emma had... She'd been my best friend ever, one of my only friends... She was all that had mattered to me, when it got right down to it. Could Wolf and I be like that? I sighed, sitting back down and shutting my eyes.  
  
"Hal..!" My sister whined, looking up at me from the water, "Come swimming."  
  
"Nah..." I sighed, "Why don't you wait 'til Dad gets home? He'll swim with you."  
  
"I wish. He hasn't gone swimming with us in, about, forever." She groaned, as she braced her forearms on the cement and yanked herself out of the pool sopping wet. "Now, come on! Why put on a swim suit if you're not gonna swim?"  
  
She bagan to pull at my writs in an attempt to drag me off the diving board, "I'll work my way in..." I protested, she kept pulling. "I'm sure if you bug him dad will swim with you." I tried reusing my old approch, when my new one failed.  
  
She'd always loved swimming with my dad. It was about the only thing he actually did with us that made us feel like an actual family. Other wise it was just me and Emma. Like it was now.  
  
"Liar." She continued, as I shrugged and allowed her to yank me into the pool with her, submerging me in what felt like ice water.  
  
"Blah! Cold!" I exclaimed, shaking the water off my face as I bobbed back above the surface. "Why do I let you do that to me?" I asked, taking off my glasses and setting them on the cement.  
  
"Because you love me." She smiled.  
  
"... Yeah." I smiled back.  
  
"Where were we?" She asked, latching onto my back, as I waded around the pool.  
  
"I think..." I started, "That the beautiful mermaid had just rescued the shipwrecked sailor from the clutches of the evil pirate king." I grinned. Our latest game. She'd come up with the entire story on her own, too... I just played along.  
  
We normaly played House, Emma's favorite, but recently Emma had started an outside game for the pool. The game had a habbit of starting over when Emma wanted to add something, so we rarely got much further than me getting rescued from a Pirate King.   
  
But it was still fun. I never really felt too old for those kinda games. I'd never really had a reason too. I always felt that normal kids wouldn't grow out of that kind of stuff if it weren't for peer presure. Being able to play games with Emma without feeling self concious about it... It made up for all the years at home schooling without a friend, or even someone to talk to.  
  
I'd never really had a friend my age, but I also never had anyone to tell me I was too old to pretend. I could still play with Emma, and that was all that mattered.  
  
But.... since I'd lost Emma ---  
  
All I could do was wait... Wait patiently for another friend. Wait... for such a long time. Just as I had waited for Emma.  
  
A long long wait...  
  
I was ripped from my thoughts as the door behind me slid opened, my eyes flashed and my head snapped over in its direction. "Alright, Emmerich." A guard said, looking in. "You get a break. Go on." He said, jesturing for me to enter the hall. I slowly moved out into the hall, and to my surprise at the end of the corridore stood Sniper Wolf.  
  
"Wolf!" I exclaimed, gleefully rushing over to her.  
  
She smiled slightly, "I thought you could use a break from all this. Come, I have only a short time before I have to go."  
  
I nodded following her into a smaller room, then down the hall to the room with the elivator.   
  
"Would you like to go outside, on a walk?" She asked.  
  
I smiled brightly. "Yeah!" I nodded vigourously, "Yes, I would."  
  
My long wait might finally be ending.  
  
And it has been ........ A long time ....  
  
NOTES: I liked the Minesweeper bit. Maybe I should write a Minesweeper story.  
  
MORE NOTES: Sorry about the formatting. I'm lazy.  
  
Well. It's been like a year and a half. But I was feeling low and so, I decided to update. Maybe I'll pick up my note book at home and finish working on this thing. There's alot of things I wanted to write out for this.  
  
One thing tho. Can't promise that it will keep the same in depth following of the game. Might make it a little more flash back oriented, while focusing what Otacon does outside of the Game Play. Perhaps show mostly what we DON'T see.... stuff like that. I don't know. ^_^; 


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